"Boys Will be Boys"

These people aren't on my shit list:
Jenny
Mandy
Vivian
Greg
Gary
Steve
Ang
Larisa
Dad
Lisa
Mom
Hootch
John
Bethanie
Lori
Mark
Leda
Michael

Everyone else is...

I think I may as well just prep myself to be single forever. I'm happy with me, just not happy with anyone else. WTF. I wish there was a computer program that I could just create the perfect guy and live happily ever after. Today I feel like my head is too big and that's why boys don't like me. I've been cursed with a large noggin... GRRRRR. Gotta love genes...

I was chatting with a boy online from Boston - just because I thought it would be fun. He writes me back... "no offense, but I have a difficult time as it is keeping up with all the friends I have now. It's too bad you don't live closer otherwise we could have dinner or something." That's fucked up. I appreciate honesty... but for real. Sue me because I live in this wretched rat hole. Am I being negative today or what? I feel like other people think I am annoying - is this true? I guess I feel like I am being friendly... but maybe I just end up being an annoyance. If only life were easy. I give up... I think I may just embark to a foreign country and live a life of solitude... as a matter of fact I think I'll just become celibate too. Who needs sex... not me. As long as I can bring the Simon Rex video... that's all I need.

As you can tell not much is going on today. I decided to shave the 'proper' way today... I HATED it! I'm going back to my old way... it gives me a much more clean shave. I was thinking this morning how sexy it would be to have a cute boy stand behind me and shave my face for me in the morning... hair all disgruntled... staring at his eyes while he is concentrating on now slicing my face... yummm. Both of us wearing cute pajama bottoms, and no shirts. I'm in the mood to be spoiled... hell, I just want to be romantically touched by another human being. Ohhh well... I'll just keep the celibacy thing in mind.

I did some research today on 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre"... it is not a true story. It is based loosely on Ed Gein, a so-called serial murderer from Plainfield, Wisconsin. 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Psycho' also have a connection with the same guy. The guy died in a mental institution in July 1984... and had been there since the late 50's. Obviously he couldn't have killed people in August 1973. I must say, the movie had me believing it really happened. For those of you out there that constantly think I am full of shit... I printed my documented research for proof. So there!

I'm off to lunch... maybe something exciting will happen while I am gone... full report when I return.

Back. Not a DAMN thing to report, aside from I got a bill from the auto insurance company in the mail. Boy, I can't wait to turn 25 specifically for the reason that my insurance will drop. GRRR... those fools rape you. Hardcore.

I've decided in the last hour or so that I need to be more positive... not everything sucks... just some things. I am going to do my best to focus on the things that don't suck... like the people on the list above that I don't despise right now, and the fact that I have health insurance, a job, a new car, my own place... and a family that loves me. Those are good things... now boys.... they are BAD things.

I wish today was Friday... then I would be going out to party tonight. Instead it's Monday and I have nothing to do. I'm kind of sad because my favorite show's season finale was last Tuesday so now I won't even have that to look forward to tomorrow night. I have a book at home about Gay Hollywood that my mom got me for Christmas... so I think I am going to whip that out tonight and read a bit. I find it to be much more though inducing than television. It is a good thing that I don't have any video game systems otherwise I might stay up all night playing them.

I think I want to be a male escort... they make some FAT cash. J Ro. knows this one dude who made over $17,000 in one month being a stripper at Danny's.... now that is what I call real money. I could keep my legitimate job at EDS and be a wild and crazy whore at night. A perfect combination. Ohhh, dreams.

Well... I just got a call from Gary... he thinks I am NUTS for not like Scary Movie 3. Sometimes I wonder what kind of drugs he is taking. We all know well from Blake that Flagstar doesn't drug test.... maybe Gary knows he can get away with some good barbiturates and some stimulants.... hummmm.

Well I'm outtie....

Later peeps.

J





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I just got done viewing Gary's blog... as I attempt to do everyday even though a majority of the time there is nothing there... and DAMN! I am feeling that a certain amount of his "dating" comments were in direct relation to me. WTF... I may not be the best at dating... but I had no idea these harsh comments are being directed at my by others. I give up. I'm just going to get a cat (just as long as it doesn't scratch me or break things).

Well Friday night was coolio. After work I headed over to JD's Piano Bar in Ponti-crack to meet up with J.Ro and Mandy. Total fun. I got there just before 10pm, sat down at the bar with the girls, had a few beers and sang the night away.

At one point I was sitting in my seat and I looked over to the left and saw a very familiar face. One that I hadn't seen in several year... we are talking late 1999. I couldn't be sure if it really was him... but sure enough, as soon as they started the MSU/UofM fight song war... there he was Jeff Chandler (aka Chandler) in the flesh singing at the top of his lungs - HAIL TO THE VICTOR'S VALIANT... I wanted to kill him just like in the old days. That just goes to show you that not much changes over the course of several years. The more I spied over at Chandler, the more I realized that I recognized other peeps sitting at this table. Next I spied Brandon Bernier... we were in theatre together, and had several mutual friends. Him and I were always civil, however I always thought he was kind of a dick. It was until about twenty minutes after I saw Brandon, that I noticed another face... Kyle Marshall. I always adored Kyle. He was the boy I had a secret crush on... nobody knew. As a matter of fact, I am announcing to the world right now, that I had a crush on Kyle Marshall. It wasn't because he was gorgeous... it wasn't because he was a rocket scientist... he's just an average guy... You can imagine my excitement, when I saw him.

Of course, Jason isn't ballsy enough to just walk over and say hello...nah. I didn't want to intrude and I certainly didn't want to look like a dork. I was waiting for one of them to notice me. Whether or not they did, I don't know, however at one point, I could have sworn I saw Kyle point at me when he was talking to Brandon. Ohhh well. I emailed Chandler and Kyle yesterday, still no response. It would be cool to hang out with those two again... as "dorky" as they can be. LOL

So, there I sat with da girls... and another familiar face walks in. This chick I met at Oktoberfest was there with a girlfriend of hers... I couldn't remember her name because I was really intoxicated when I met her... but I do recall that she has a cute gay dancer friend that she wanted to introduce me to. I freaked on her and her friend a little bit... it was fun. I had to look devilishly cool in front of the highschool peeps. Honestly, one of the main reasons I didn't want to go over there is because I knew they would ask me about life, my job, etc... I didn't have answers for everything... of course we all want to seem successful, right?

Eventually the boys left - so sad. I should have said something. That's okay... the music started playing and I was rocking. J.Ro was wearing this cute Member's Only looking jacket and Mandy was wearing this crocheted looking blanket thingie (it is much cuter than how I just described it - so cute in fact, several times I was underneath it!!) Eventually I went downstairs to use the restroom - mainly to call Ang and let her know I saw the boys. When I was down there Jenny came down to use the bathroom. After she was down we went into the Coyote Lounge (never been in there before). It was cool - and boy did we hit the jackpot... FREE PIZZA. Considering I hadn't had dinner yet... it was a savior in disguise!

While downstairs we ran into "Wiz". He is one of the piano guys... it also just so happens that a particular friend of mine has a big ol crush on him. I don't know at one point I became a big old, noticeable 'fag', but this guy had me pegged from second one. Jenny introduced me as the "gay friend", and Wiz was like... ohhh, I knew that. I hadn't even opened my mouth yet... scary thought. Ohh well. He was a really nice guy and he likes gays... so hey, it worked out well.

Finally a little after 2, we departed. One of us traipsed on over to a stripper from Danny's house... and the other two went home. You can only imagine how jealous the other two were of the one... it'll be our secret which one of us was the 'hootch'. ;-) Ohhh by the way... "There are Worse Things I Could Do"... for all of you out there that I called to ask the song from Grease I couldn't remember.

Saturday...

I slept in until almost 1. Pathetic, I know. I immediately popped out of bed and started cleaning my apartment. It really didn't need it, however I believe that if you keep up on things, you do not have to invest so much time later. I think this is why most people hate to clean... they wait to long and it turns into an enormous all day project. If you do just a little here and there, then it is over in no time. I cleaned and scrubbed until about 3:30ish. Took a shower, shaved, got all cute and fancy and headed out the door.

My original intent was to go to Lakeside to return the bottle of Burberry I acquired (it has a hair and a piece of something gross floating inside of it - SICK), stop off at my parents house to pick up some things for my Halloween costume, and hang out with Ang for a bit. As I always say, the best of plans are meant to be ruined. I played on the computer for a bit, searched the house for costume pieces and before I knew it, it was 10 past 6... I was supposed to meet the girls at six. Ooops, I was out the door and on my way... although I was worried because Ang never did call me back. I figured she must have been busy.

I got to Jenny's condo and proceeded to show my newly developed costume idea to everyone... it was a hit. I can't say what it is just yet... but only that I promise it is good!!! Better than good, TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME GOOD! We decided that we would attend a Haunted House in Warren, Have dinner, and then go see Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A nice Halloween filled evening of fun.

We stopped at McDonald's for dinner. This place was definitely run by Asians... the service was so slow I think I could have shit out diamonds quicker. Not to mention the ketchup pump was empty... and apparently they had none to refill it with. McDonald's without Ketchup... that's like Gary without Prada. I just can't fathom. We ended up sitting in the playroom for kiddies because the seats are more comfortable... too bad some brat bitch ass kid was playing in there, making all kinds of noise. Grrr.

After dinner we were off to "Urban Legends"... the haunted house that guarantees you get your money back if you make it all the way through to the end... GIMMICK. You have to find a secret room in the house to get your picture taken in... then you get your money back. Too bad, it doesn't exist. Ohh well it was fun. Mandy and Jenny both wet themselves at one point. I also have a permanent indentation in my right shoulder from Mandy's tooth... The best part of the whole haunted creation was the 3-D shit at the beginning... very cool. We got to keep the glasses too! Ohh yeah, and we didn't get shot when we were in Warren... god must have blessed us!! LOL

We then found ourselves driving to yet another fabulous area.... Madison Heights. The Star Theatre. Our next adventure was the movies. This movie scared the shit out of me. As a matter of fact, several parts almost made me barf... too funny. This dude sitting in front of us was so raunch that Mandy had to spray perfume on him to cover up some of the odor. I think his hair was about to fall out too from all the dye jobs... GROSS! Get a clue buck-o. The scariest part about this movie is that it is supposedly real, or at least parts of it. I need to do some research and check it out. I'm not easily scared by things... unless I know that they could really happen, or have really happened. It freaks me out just thinking about it. Mandy (we'll call her "Haunted House Puss") claims that she wasn't scared at the movie at all... Jenny and I have doubts... both of us were holding hands and screaming like babies. he he he

We figured after the movie was over that we would catch a 'double feature'. Gary claimed that Scary Movie 3 was hilarious... so we went on his word. IT WAS TERRIBLE. There were some parts that were kind of funny... but the rest was just plain stupid. I guess because we saw one really good movie right before, we just weren't in the mood for something ridiculous. We ended up leaving about only 1/4 of the way into the movie... the best part was seeing Simon Rex. OMG... he is so HOT! Thank god I have the porn he starred in... good times. As Jenny stated - "He's got a big crank". You go boy.

We left the movies and went back to J. Ro.'s... we watched some TV (mostly in silence only because we were tired) - and I went home. Happy that I have such good friends. Bless you all!

J





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I don't know what my problem is lately... I'm just down. I can't get a date, I can't get a job, I can't get on the Real World... what can I do now-a-days? I can't get myself out of bed in the morning; I can't get myself to the gym anymore... I can't, I can't, I can't. What the fuck?

To start the bitching... "I can't get a date".
This seems to be the year of the good guys, who turn BAD. Here is my newest situation. So if you recall, a week or so ago I talked about Sean, the newest guy from Kettering. After our several phone conversations, I realized how awesome he really is. Of course... as in the past (at least this year's past), every guy I like... decides to disappear with no explanation. How damn frustrating is that? Because I am such a worrywart, this situation drives me NUTS. I worry that something happened to these guys... you know, because why else would someone express such interest and then drop off the face of the world. No return calls, no responses to email... just nothing. Like they died. So here I am, immersed in the situation for a fourth time this year. Historically, all the boy's have ended up just being jerks... so at this point, I have to assume that Sean, is just being an ASSHOLE! It is too bad really, because I did like him.

Honestly, I think I need to just stop caring. It is awful to say that, but I need to start worrying more about myself, and just let everyone else fuck off. I drive myself nuts, evaluating these situations, wondering what happened, what I did wrong, where things went wrong... why? I want to know too much... but when is it time to let go? When is it time to admit that I am tainted... that I am no longer the naive, cute 21 year old hottie - but instead, the tainted, jaded, pissed off 25 year old?

Evaluating the situation, I notice that I appear to not be the only person in this situation. I can count on one hand the friends I have that have partners... I need ten hands to count everyone that doesn't have a 'special friend'... and an equal amount of hands to count how many of us have not had dates in months. Are we all jaded? My determination - we are all at the age where we don't fit into a "category".

During your younger 20's, you are desirable to the late teens, and the mid to young 20 somethings... as well as all the old, rotten, nasty trolls... everyone adores you... because you are young, fabulous and just starting life. In your late twenties, you are becoming closer and closer to being successful, adding 'stock' to your 'portfolio', and developing you devilish charm and wit... you are now wanted by slightly older successful 30 somethings... and still extremely desirable to the younger and mid twenty somethings... however you don't want them... why? Because you've been there, done that. No need to struggle, etc. You want someone who is an equal, or better. NO longer are you interested in dating people with no money, and no time... you want to settle down. BLAH.

So where does that leave us 24-26 year olds... in the friggin dust? No BODY wants us... we might as well be non-existent.

Back to Sean... I don't know what happened... I have so many possible scenarios... but what does it matter. Sue me for caring. I just hope everything is all right. As for Tom Herpel, Ryan Underwood and Blake Scheer... you all can eat shit. People have feelings and if you can't acknowledge that other people in this world exist beside you, than go to hell. Okay... so I'm over-reacting. I'm allowed to right?

Thank God today is Friday and I have tomorrow off. I haven't decided what spontaneous activity I should take part in tomorrow. Jenny and Mandy want to do something Halloween related... maybe we can go pumpkin hunting, hayriding... maybe finally find a costume to wear next week for the big day. I don't know. I'm just excited about going to the BIG game.

Well, nothing else to report for today... still no word from Flagstar, still no word from The Real World... still no word from Sean.... Grrrrrr.

Toodles...

J





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Strange, unusual and bizarre things happen in the Real World... or in my case spontaneous road trips, auditions for television shows, and no sleep for 40 plus hours.

Here are the details from my newest adventurous experience...

Great... time ran out today and I didn't write anything. I'll add on to this tomorrow....




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I've deemed today a day of personal reflection - stories of that past that have influenced who I am today. Read, enjoy... laugh, cry... etc. Cheers, to the memories.

My first story of reflection involves, "The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940, Shelley Jiles, a disco party, Bonnie Bonneville, and a raccoon with a bad attitude.

So there it was a cold, fall day back in 1995. Two highschool buddies were on a mission - a mission to have the best themed party in the history of Shelby Township. The perps you ask... Jason Ensign and Shelley Jiles. The plan was to skip school after fifth hour, drive up to Shelly's farm in Imlay City, grab some decorations from her parents barn, drive back to school in time for our theatre rehearsal at 2:30, leave there at 4ish, get to my house and decorate and then party live. Of course the best plans are usually faulty in the end.

Of course we managed to skip out of school early - that was NOT a problem. We had to dodge the parking nazi bitch - however the seniors always left school after fifth hour so we just kind of blended in. I was able to drive to school because I had a special pass for being in theatre (something that most people did not have since I made a deal with the school officials). As we are on the road, Shelley informs me that she forget to get the keys for the house and that we had to drive back to her parents house (a 20 minute trip) to get them. Fine. NO biggie. We had a bit of time to spare. We got the keys and we were on our way to Imlay City (about an hour drive).

Once we were at the farm, Shelley opened the door, only to remember that she had no clue what the code was for the alarm system. Ohhh lord... about 30 seconds later the alarm starts blaring. Just imagine for a moment two highschool kids (one 17 and the other 16) in a home with an alarm sounding... just freaking out. Considering we weren't supposed to be there (obviously because we were SUPPOSED to be in school... this made the situation even more dramatic. The time...1 pm. Due back for rehearsal in 1.5 hours. After about 15 minutes of deliberation with her mother about why were in Imlay City (we lied and said that we were picking up some props for our production and we were excused by Mrs. Dewulf - it worked for her parents... NEVER would have worked for mine). With the alarm off, and the police informed that we weren't breaking in... it was then time to find the keys to the barn. The barn that was built in the early 1800's... a bit spooky. Ohhh yeah and no electricity either. Finding the keys took 20 minutes... flashlights another 5. This puts us at approximately 1:25pm. One hour and five minutes til rehearsal... and we still haven't even penetrated the barn yet (not to mention the damn thing is about a five minute walk it is so far from the house...we should have drive down to it.... and we would have, but Mr. Jiles is a freak about his grass and apparently he would have noticed the tire tracks in the lawn. Whatever.

In the barn, it was a bit dark. Of course the items we needed were all the way in the far rear corner, up in the loft. Climbing ladders in a dark barn is a very interesting experience, especially when you are with a drama queen named Shelley.

So there we were in the barn looking through these boxes of shit looking for some strobe lights and some random disco-esque shit for the party. When what to our wondering eyes should appear... well it wasn't a sleigh and eight 'tiny' reindeer. It was a set of beady raccoon eyes... and no, not the kind you get from wearing sunglasses all day, or the goggles from the tanning booth... these were real, live raccoon eyes. Personally I figured it would be best to ignore the creature and let him be... Shelley on the other hand thought it would be a good idea to throw things at him and piss him off. The hissing and the growling began shortly after, which is in turn what caused Shelley to run with the flashlight, hysterically mind you, out of the dark barn. I was left alone. Alone, with a pissed off ground dweller, alone with no light. Alone. I was determined however that I was not going home empty handed. The time was unknown... however I knew we were late.

I inched my way 0out of the dark area, hoping that I would not cross paths with the angry beast. As soon as I was out of the room.... I ran like a little girl to the ladder, screaming (like the bitch I am) until I was out of the barn. Shelley was waiting outside with the flashlight. I grabbed the light... found all of my courage and traipsed back into the barn like the little engine that could.

Back in the room, all I could think of was what the raccoon would do to me if he caught me. Scary thought. I'm sure all he could think about was how cute he would look if he were made into a hat. Grabbing everything in site, I loaded a box and once again attempted to bolt... only to stop dead in my tracks. There was my little friend, blocking the door, almost smiling at me (in a bizarre sense). I figured the only way out was to throw and hit him with the biggest thing I could find.... it worked, except for I had no idea where the hell he went. I threw the box of shit we were bringing back, climbed down the ladder (jumping most of the way to the ground) and ran like hell. When Shelley heard me screaming "RUN", she started running... I'm absolutely positive that the neighbors were enjoying this display of ridiculousness.... AS we both ran through the field back to the house that seemed an eternity away... we could have sworn we were being chased by the raccoon. We got the Bonneville, opened the doors, threw the shit in and sat down - completely out of breath. We sat there, silent for just a moment. Ready to leave, I was just about to start the car when Shelley announced that she had not locked the farmhouse and that I needed to go and set the alarm and lock the door. Me, why me? She was scared about rabies... I told her that I wasn't about to get out of the car... the time - approximately 2 pm.

This next moment was a classic. We agreed that at the same time we would open our doors, stick our heads out and make sure that the coon wasn't hiding underneath the car waiting for us. Of course, there was nothing. Now the only problem we had was that we were late... VERY late for rehearsal. In half an hour practice started and we were an hour away. Hummm... a typical S&J dilemma. We decided to call Eisenhower and leave a message for Mrs. Dewulf that we would be late. Try explaining that one to the secretary. I remember speaking to Mrs. Thompson saying "could you please leave a note for Mrs. Dewulf that Shelley and Jason will be late to rehearsal". Of course she wanted to know why.... I explained the situation and we left it at that. Finally... we were off.

I drove like an asshole the entire way home. Not many people can say that they drove from Imlay City to Shelby Township in 40 minutes. We may have been close to 20 minutes late, but we left a note right? Shelley and I figured that we were going to be busted... totally screwed. Considering we were the stars of the show.... How could rehearsal go on without us? Instead... when we burst through the doors of the little theatre, everyone started laughing. We weren't exactly sure why... until we read the pink "While You Were Out" message given by the office staff to Mrs. D.... "Shelley and Jason will be late to rehearsal due to raccoon problems". OMG... hilarious was not the word. All for a Disco party... crazy night - since Kenny Franzel showed up as Keniesha Lover (something he will never live down). Although that wasn't as cool as my "Totally Fucking Awesome Party" - "Shelby Gras 1998). We'll save that story for another blog.

So I was chatting with an old friend Clay today. A total hottie from down south... yumm. He recently just passed the BAR and is now a full-fledged lawyer. Isn't that hot? I told him that he can "practice law on me anytime". He responded by saying he wishes he were a doctor. Isn't playtime fun... he can pretend to be a doctor anytime. With that southern accent and hot bod... GAWD... I'm getting a 'presence' downtown just thinking about it. Ohh yeah, he's Brad's ex too. LOL. I met Clay in Chicago during Market Days the year before last. Brad was kind of irritated with me because I kept talking about how I wanted Clay... I think that is the reason Brad purposely ignored Clay the rest of the weekend. I would have done scandalous things with him then... hell, even now. maybe one day he'll have a 'meeting' in Michigan and we can have 'dinner', or just COCKtails and 'Dessert'. Ohhhhh.... (time to start thinking of Onstar.... Onstar, onstar.... okay. Issue resolved!!!! LOL)

I got an email from 'Larry' today, so I'll post this wonderfully fun poem. I call it....

An ode to my Diva and Fashionista friends:

The Diva's Prayer

Our Father Armani,
Who's Arts at Neiman Marcus,
Hallowed be thy shoes.
Thy Prada come,
Thy shopping be done,
On Rodeo...
As it is in Paris.
Give us this day, our Visa Gold,
And forgive us our balance,
As we forgive those who charge us interest.
Lead us not into Penney's
But deliver us from Sears
For thine is the Chanel, the Gaultier and the Versace
For Dolce and Gabbana
Amex

I can't wait for this shift to be over.... only a few hours to go before I am off to the Windy City to hopefully start my new life on the Real World. I'm all prepped and really geeked. Larry, Moe and I are going. Yippee. I'm sad that my partner in crime - Gary can't join me. We always do crazy shit together. I know us boys will get the job done. Maybe if we are lucky we'll all get chosen for the show. Can you imagine... three homo's on one Real World. The world wouldn't know what to do.

Well.. I'm out. The next I write in the Blog - will have tons of stories about Chicago and my "Real World" experience!!

Caio.

PS - I realized during spell check that I only wrote one story... maybe I'll tell stories of the past every couple of days when my life isn't sooo exciting. LOL Peace! - - JWE




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Could I use a Bloody Mary right now? You bet. This is... I don't like blood and I don't like women. I'll stick with the Mimosa's instead. LOL... that word reminds me of Mammogram, in a bizarre way. Weird.

So what have I been up to? Good question. These past few days, not much of anything really. Friday I went to work as usual - thankfully Queen Ugly wasn't there. I knew she would give me shit about not being here on Thursday....

So as I sat in my bed on Thursday evening, waiting to fall asleep, I couldn't help but think about the Real World. I feel like there are so many qualifying reasons for me to be chosen as one of the 'mates". I was stupid for not sending in my tape by the deadline in September. I figured (half asleep)... what the hell. I'm going to send it in anyway. I thought, if I am really good enough and a real 'winner' then it won't matter if I sent it in late or not. So I decided to make the recording and send it in. When I got to work on Friday afternoon, I went to the MTV website, which transferred me to the Bunim-Murray Casting site.... and what did I see... the Real World is auditioning in Chicago next Tuesday!!!! OMG... I almost shit my pants. My chance has come.... and everything is working out perfectly!

First I called Larisa, who can't attend because of some stupid lecture. Then I called Gary, who seems really excited, but doesn't know if he can get someone to take over his shift on Tuesday. Lastly, I called "Larry"... he's calling in sick. I have one in the bag... and another ready to bust outta town if the shift is covered. Two peeps... one show... historically only one gay person. This should be great. Now... atleast if Gary or "Larry" gets on the show... I can go visit. AWESOME!

With the partners in crime secured... it was time to get the time off. With the stupid way they schedule around here, I figured it was going to be impossible to get the day off on such short notice. Boy, was I wrong. Every time slot for the most part has been taken for the entire rest of the month... except... my time slot on Tuesday. I really think this is a sign from our Heavenly Father Above. This may not be the most 'christian' show on television... but maybe God, knows it is right for me. Get me on the show and I'll pray every night.... Life is good. Reality TV is better!

So I've been planning for days now. Saturday afternoon, I spent a majority of the day jotting down reasons why I am the perfect applicant. My good side, my bad side... may overly dramatic side. It is all down on paper. I'm beginning to think that the reason I never get awesome jobs I want is because I don't even spend this amount of time prepping for a job interview... LOL That is sad... or maybe not. Maybe this a 'sign' that this is meant for me to do. Hummm.... Too many signs today. After my note jotting session... I did some "manscaping", showered, made some dinner and was out the door.

I decided to head over to my parents house to borrow the digi-cam. One of the requirements for the audition is that you have a head shot. I don't have very many pictures of myself and I have even less "fabulous" ones. I set up a photo studio downstairs in the living room and took tons of shots of myself. I've never noticed before, but the preview photos on the camera always look terrible (either that or I am being very impartial because they were all pics of me). I downloaded them to the computer successfully with no problems (friggin amazing since every time I use my dad's computer the fucker breaks, locks up... something...) I played in photoshop for a bit and then printed my final selection.
I think the pic is cute... of course my luck... the laserjet is running out of red... so parts of the photo look a bit green. Artsy... that's my final answer. ;-)

So Friday was pretty boring... except.... I got a phone call. The second phone call in two days from this wonderful, amazing guy named Sean. Yet another boy from Kettering. Before I go any further, it is important to stress that I really don't have a sign on my back stating "Boys from Kettering, apply here". I am EXTREMELY happy that this Kettering stud, applied for the open position... lol

It has been a really long time since I have chatted with someone who has some real brain power. This is a turn-in folks. Intellectuality is a lost art. Too many people now-a-days just don't care... either that or just aren't all there. **SIDE NOTE - the above statement was in reference to prospective dating scenarios.. not in any relation to the intelligence of my friends**

On Thursday night we chatted for over two hours and on Friday night, a little under two. Awesome!! I need a man I can talk to, who will talk back. Someone who listens and responds... not just listen (been there done that... no thank you - I'm sure everyone knows that type). I really enjoy chatting with Sean, and I sincerely hope that he feels the same way. There aren't too many people out there with a good head on their shoulders...

Saturday night I was invited to a party for Greg's roommate at their house. Greg's roomies girlfriend is heading off to New York for Culinary Arts school, so they were having a big going away party. I figured I would attend - better than sitting at home. I had a lot of fun. Got to see Dawn and Raf again... real cool peeps. I talked with Raf about TRW - because last year him and Derrick, auditioned for Real World Paris. Cool. Obviously, they didn't make it. Hopefully, I have better luck.

By the end of the party, I had successfully drank an entire bottle of Riesling, manage to hold down a drink made by Greg, listened to some old dude tell us some bullshit story about how he is an advisor to the prince of some United Arab Nations country (however, funny thing is that he is a line worker at Ford, with no degree... ohh yeah, he is also best friends with several of the board members and he golfs with Bill Ford), went hot-tubbing (alone), and met this really cute girl that works at an Aveda salon in Novi, who is totally hooking me up with a 50% discount on all Aveda products and she gave me four free wash, cut and style coupons!!! Awesome!!!

I didn't feel like I was drunk when I left - by the time the half hour drive was over... let's just say I was glad to get home. i was beat. Of course who knew when I went to bed that I would have a "wine" hangover in the morning. Those can be treacherous... not quite as bad as champagne hangovers... but pretty damn close.

That puts us through to Sunday... nothing to speak of today. Just chilling out at work... trying to make it through the day. Thoughts of cute boys (well only one cute boy- who by the way still hasn't called... :-(, The Real World (hopefully Australia), and Flagstar are helping me make it thought today. Miss "Latifah" isn't working today (she always knows how to put a smile on my face) so I am down about that. Thankfully, I am in a corner all by myself and don't have to deal with anyone else... that and the phones have gone down three times today... yippeee!

Til Monday...

J

Ohhh yeah.... do you all remember the E-bay commercial with the kinda dorky looking guy that works in the office and at the beginning he is sitting at the desk and at the end the black guy and the white guy flip him over there heads and he lands on the table....? Well, for those of you that know Tommy Herpel... every time I see that commercial I think of him. I think they could be brothers!

OMG - I almost forgot - Sixteen Candles was on TV during my lunch break.... "Ohhh Sexxxxxxxy, girlfriend".... "What is your name?" "Long." "What is you last name?" "Dong." "What is your middle name?" "Duck." - I LOVE the Asian guy (you may NEVER here me say that again).

JWE






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See the link below - USE IT!
I like reading my fans comments...

J




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Heyyyyyyy
It's Thursday. A really nice day of the week. So nice in fact that I decided not to go in to work today. I figure, it is damn beautiful outside, the sun is shining, and I had an interview this morning that went really well, time to celebrate!

We'll start with yesterday. Wednesday, you know the routine. Clean the house day. Once again I was lazy as hell, however this time I didn't actually get over to my folk's house until almost 1pm. I didn't have a ton of cleaning to do so it was cool. I decorated their house for Halloween. It looks cute. I only like to put a few things here and there. I don't like it to be overpowering and resembling a mess of clutter. As I mentioned... it is cute.

Earlier in the week Ang and I decided to get together and have dinner and have fun just her and I. Jenny and I had to reschedule our normal hang out day (which come to find out, J. Ro. didn't know what to do with herself... trying to figure out last night why something felt different... it was because she was separated from her MAN!) Anyhow, so I had a schedule to follow for yesterday. I had to be out the door by 6:15p. You wouldn't believe that I actually was out the door on time! I even had time to stop and deposit money, go to the store and buy a bottle of wine, and even with traffic, I made it to Ang's on three minutes after 6:45p (when I said I would arrive).

I had only been to Ang's one time before this... right after she got her new furniture. Cute stuff too. I can't wait for it to be mine as well!!!! After hanging out with my "girl" last night, I just know we are going to have so much fun living together.

Ang decided that her and I would have a chicken fajita feast, without the fajita's (you know the diet thing)... it was so good. I ganked some peppers and an onion from my parents house, and we sautéed those up with some mushrooms and stuff. Yummmmm! Ang is such a good cook. It will be nice to live with someone who appreciates the same type of food that I do. We toasted and drank our first (of many) bottles of Riesling. I initially introduced this wine to Ang at Oktoberfest a few weeks ago. Her and I decided this would be "our" wine. We both love it. Neither one of us are Merlot fans... which is great. I like my wine like my men... sweet and tasty!!!!!

After dinner we did the dishes together and then played "beauty school". Ang was the subject and I was the colorist (kind of like this hot number I know through Jenny named John). Let me just tell you.... this guy takes my breath away. One night Jenny, Mandy, John, Miho and I went to Bleu downtown... the ladies and I drove together and then John came separate. After an hour or so of being there (LOL... SIDE NOTE.... on the way into the bar Jenny busted one of her heels off her shoe.... we had to ask the door person for tape so she could piece her shoe back together.... we were in front of the Bleu Room, using scotch tape to fix up J.Ro and her broken heel)... anyway, after an hour or so of being there, the girls were forced to leave because of a female issue... so I was left alone with John. We talked, we danced... he drove me home. I have to say, that him and I actually spent at least an hour, maybe two sitting in the parking lot behind Pronto just talking. I have NEVER in my life wanted to kiss someone so bad... too bad every guy I adore, is straight. I have my suspicions about certain 'straight' people... Even if John were gay, he is WAY out of my league. I can still fantasize, right?

Back to color... Ang needed her roots died. I volunteered to help even though I have never done this before. I guess we both figured... hey, he's gay, he's fabulous... he must know how to dye hair. Well, now I know I can! Watch out John... I'm on my way to Beverly Hills, baby! If I can ever afford it... I'll let John touch me (I mean dye me, or hi-light me, or ravage me... ;-)

Ang told me the funniest story last night... a few months ago she told her grandma that the two of us were getting a place together. Well her grandma knows I am gay (at least she does now) and her immediate response was "Ang... if you live with Jason, people will think you are a lesbian"! I think that is so funny. Old people are hilarious. Thankfully Angie's family appreciates my being. Back when Ken and I were in boy scouts, our meetings were held at Mrs. Divita's school. Ken and I used to go in her classroom and eat candy. It got to the point that she would leave us goodies knowing we would find them. I love cool parents. Both Mr. and Mrs. Divita are the mold that parents should be designed from. They are great... and they make good "spawn" too!

During the hair dying process, I was 'forced' to watch Bob the Bachelor. It isn't something that I would watch on my own, but definitely interesting TV. I want to be on a reality dating show, just so I can watch people be at my beck and call. All the girls are "in love" with Bob and can't live without him. How long again have you known him? That's what I thought. The only reason these women cry and pout and complain is because they don't want to lose. Has their been a reality show yet that the couple has actually stayed together? I mean look at the shows where couples go on them, like Amazing Race. Chip and Reicken (sp?) won and then they broke up. TV separates people... those bitches just want publicity. Did you also happen to notice that a bunch of them are Marketing people? Coincidence? I think not.

After a fabulous night of dinner, hair and Bob... I departed for home.

On my way home I called J.Ro. We chatted all the way back to my place. Just as I was approaching my complex... I got nailed by the one fucking light that turns red every time I near it. I waited and waited and waited until it finally turned green. I accelerated forward and some bitch in a red Jeep pulls out from a side street and almost rams right into me. From my point of view, it looked like she was going to go straight across the road, but in all actuality she was turning right... the only problem is she turned right - right into the opposite lane of traffic and almost RIGHT into me! She even had the nerve to flick me off. BITCH.

Things started to heat up just a bit when I noticed that the red Jeep turned into the complex right behind me. Not only that put it pulled right next to me - two parking spots away. This made me a bit nervous. Thankfully I had Jenny on the phone to guide me through the correct procedure. The people in the Jeep, parked, then backed up right behind me (almost boxing me in) and then they pulled back in to the spot again. A guy got out of the passenger side and walked behind my car. Then a chick got out and walked over by the front door and stopped. Then the girl disappeared in the bushes and the guy just stared at me. FREAKY. I decided to wait until they were gone and move my car to the carport spot I NEVER park in (it is way too far from my apartment). I even backed into the spot just in case the scary folk went looking for my license plate. Weird. Home safely, I went to bed.

This morning, I got up at 8:15a. It SUCKED! I normally get up at 11 - so this was really early. I showered, shaved and mentally prepped myself for the interview at 10am. Flagstar headquarters is gorgeous. Just beautiful. While I was waiting in the lobby, so many Yummilicious gents struck my fancy. I can't wait to find out if I got the job - the 'atmosphere' is much nicer at this "Star".

The interview was awesome. If I had to hire me, I would. I totally hit it off with Genece (the interviewer). As a matter of fact, she even let "Larry" take a break so him and I could chat for a bit afterwards. "Larry" thinks I got the job... I hope so.

So, after a successful day of interviewing, I said - "Fuck OnStar, I'm taking a day off to enjoy myself". So I did. I changed my clothes, grabbed a sandwich and headed over to my parents house. Lisa isn't feeling well today, so I came over to see her. On the way I stopped at the new thrift store in Utica. They had some cute things. I tried on several pairs of dress pants - and only one pair fit (right). All the other pants I kind of liked, where old man pants... you know how they like then really high.... I prefer more modern slacks... Banana Republic kind. Yay to me, for finding the perfect BR pair of dress pants. They fit awesome and look so cute. I also bought Lisa a sweater that I liked. Two Banana Republic items - $9.52. Bargain!

Nothing else to report for today, thus far. Full details of anything worth noting, tomorrow.

Adios fans!!!

J




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... And NO, I'm not talking about Blake.

Last night after work I bolted out of here - literally. I was chatting on the phone with Ang heading over to meet Jenny after her band practice. Ang and I shot the shit for a bit until Jenny, glowing as always, exited through the back door. We decided it would be best to head over to the ghetto Big Boy in Troy (practically Clawson - but who's checking?). I promised J. Ro. that I would break down and buy her a coffee or something. Pie - cherry to be exact - was the delightful treat of the evening. Me on the other hand - Chicken Fajita salad (which I don't recommend, there is WAY too much seasoning - almost to the point of ralf). I figure as long as the company is fabulous, who gives a shit about the food.

Jenny and I just sat and talked for hours, until we finally got thrown out. We were well past loitering...lol. We laughed, we cried, we laughed so hard we almost shit our pants, we cried some more (okay so we really didn't... at some points a few tears may have been present though). These type of hanging out sessions are the best. When you can just sit down, be yourself, not worry what the other person thinks.... Just talk.

It is funny how you can have so many friends, yet have very few that you can have a solid, grown up conversation with. I really appreciate Jenny for that fact that her and I have an "adult" relationship. We talk about "adult" things - not just drinking, partying and the silly shit we did over the weekend. We talk about happiness, our quarks with life and people, where we see ourselves years from now - and even better how much we adore one another. I've said this before and I'll say it again - and old friend of mine (actually an ex boyfriends mother) said "if you can make it through life and have one TRUE friend you are blessed... if you have more than one, you are truly lucky." Very true. I'm just glad that I have several true friends...

Today is pay day... yipppeee Too bad after I paid the bills I have only $36.00 left for the next two weeks. The nice thing is... every time I pay something off, that is one less bill chilling in my bin waiting for payment. So in essence, each pay period is getting me less and less out of debt. A lovely thought. I just wish this process was faster. At the end of this month I will have 2001 tax bill for the fed's and the state paid off, as well as my father... Hopefully by the beginning of January, I'll have 2002 taxes paid off (just in time to file 2003). I'm bad, I know.

Well not much to report for the rest of the day... tomorrow is cleaning day, and an evening with Ang. One of these days, I've decided I am going to have a "back in the day" journal entry, filled with stories of my past. I'm sure you all will enjoy.

Lot's of Love (juice)

-- Jason





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Grrr... Sunday's here at the "Star" are so boring. When I came into work yesterday my computer was turned off as well as all the other computers on my side of the building. I figured this was a sign to sit upstairs with all the biddy people in Reacquisition. I moseyed on upstairs and found a seat in the middle of the area right next to the biddiest of them all. It is this group of "old" bastards that think they know it all. They sit around all day and talk about the dumbest shit that I have no interest in listening to. Give me some good drama to keep me entertained. If only they knew the address to this blog! ;-)

So the story of the day for Sunday... I got a call from a lady in a 2003 Saab 9-5 Sedan. I'm chatting with her about renewing her services etc. She mentioned that she had done this once, but the call disconnected. I apologized etc. for the inconvenience. So after I sold the package and added some information on the account, the call dropped. Well the dicklick sitting next to me got the call. So I figured well, I don't have to call her back now. Well this guy TORE into me. He let it loose. He was talking shit about me to all these bitches about how ignorant I am, how stupid I am, how these transfers from other departments don't know anything... meanwhile, I am sitting right next to him and he doesn't even know it. I was about to get violent. Fuck that asshole. Who is he - OnStar god?!? He obviously thinks so. It pissed me off so bad - I moved downstairs. Thankfully, I came across Toni - this cool peep who found some computers that were 'left' on by accident. We had some good times together. All day long we played Cat Bowling this really fun game. For a good time, I recommend it!

Another hi-light for today was getting a response to my email that I sent to Carol. Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending on how you gage the situation) the email was quite positive in most regards:

Denise,

Thanks for the email. Jason was employed during those dates for
approximately 1.5 years. We employed him right out of college to get some
experience in the event industry. He probably did get involved in every
category that was listed in his job description and did a good job however
just want to be clear that he did not do all those things on his own but
part of a team which is how we work in our firm on all projects so we have a
combination of talents on every project.

I am not sure what kind of position he has applied for but he is a capable
person and had potential to go further in the industry.

Any additional help I can be please let me know.

Good luck,

Carol Lewis
C. Lewis Shows & Events, Inc.

So... I guess I can't sue her ass for defamation now. DAMN. Ohhh well. I'll find another way to take her down. Actually, and oddly enough, I don't feel quite as bitter about the situation any longer. Now that I know she isn't purposely being a bitch, I can let go. I no longer drive by and scream "cunt" or flick her off. I just pretend that she isn't there. Maybe one day we'll be able to have lunch and reconcile our differences. NOT! I haven't forgiven her and I never will - I just don't need to be bitter any longer. Cheers to you Ms. Lewis! May you live a long happy life in eternal hell!

Sunday was pretty boring other than that - Toni slept most of the evening so I didn't have anyone to chat with. I skipped the overtime... I was notified at 9p. I leave at 9:30. Oops... I guess I didn't read the email.

Monday... same day, different week. They forced me back into customer care - permanently. Last week on Friday I was notified that I was in ReAc permanently... I just wish they would make up their minds. It is okay though... the interview is on Thursday morning and if it goes well... I have already plotted how to screw EDS and get my vacation time, and still get out of here and start working at Flagstar... getting paid for two jobs at once is cool!!!!

My drama of the day.... so I called my stepmom today to tell her about this boy that emailed me. He read my personal ad on Planet Out and sent me an email. He's a QT so I replied... even though it may have taken me a week or two. We got to talking and to make a long story short, he used to work only feet from my father at the Tech Center. TOTALLY random considering how HUGE GM is. Well I thought it would be an interesting story since my stepmother is really into that kind of drama - and believe it or not, she ripped me a new asshole. Started scolding me like I stole her car. I couldn't believe it. It really isn't even worth getting in to, only because I didn't intend for any harm to be done at all, and besides this gentleman is pursuing me... it's not like I went to visit my dad at work and fucked one of his co-workers in the copy room. That would be tasteless (and HOT). Ohh well. Separation of Dad's work and Son's Sexuality (kinda like church and state).

Well... only minutes to go until I am outta here. I'm going to visit Jenny at band and I think we are going to go out for coffee (it's on me tonight... just so Jenny doesn't have to 'hook' to pay for her's!)

The games shall continue....
Ohh yeah... Have a safe trip Sean... I look forward to chatting with you some more.

J





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Aye - What a weekend. Sorry for the delay in updating but the computers here at OnStar suck big elephant cock. Here goes...

Friday night after leaving this extremely dreadful place (and still no email from Carol) I rushed home. I felt extremely lonely without the phone and needed access. When I got home I had three messages... two of them from Greg. I called him back right away and told him about the phone issues. I told him to read his email but apparently he has a ghost email account at work that he still doesn't have access to yet. I had a mission - to get ready quick and bolt out the door. Of course, as you can imagine... I was late. "Larry" called and we had an hour-long discussion about stuff.... By the time I was out the door it was around 11:20p. Naturally I had to shower and freshen up...

On my way to Livonia to pick up Greg, Derrick and Dawn, I called Greg (actually he called me to find out why I was soooo late). By the time the three of them decided how I should get to 96 and Middlebelt, I was already there. For whatever reason, straight people think us gay folk are automatically bad with directions. I kept telling them... I know where I am going, I just need to know what to do 'AFTER' I get off the exit ramp. Geez. I eventually got to Greg's house... very cute I might add. Greg lives in the upstairs Bungalow... ohhh the hot times we could have there! ;-) We did some shots in the kitchen... accidentally we discovered the next best thing. I was going to do a shot of Green Apple pucker and Greg decided to add some Tequila... being the trooper I am and not wanting to waste good liqueur... I drank it. Surprisingly enough... IT WAS AWESOME! Everyone else did a shot of it... and it went over well. I've done it again (just like when Gary and I discovered Red Bull and Vodka... look at how that took off). Just as we were about to leave Greg's roommates came home. That's when the dog came out of nowhere. Dog's are cute... this dog... is as fat as a pig. It has a dog head and a pig body (can you imagine if you insulted someone by saying that to them... "Girl, you've got a dog head and a pig's body"). I think I am going to call him piggie instead of Billy.

Once we all packed into Jinx we headed over to Ann Arbor. Larisa had decided to call in sick to work so she was waiting for us to join the par-tay. When we finally arrived to A2, Larisa was up doing Yager Bombs in some boy’s room. I bitched about having to pee (mainly because I had to go and secondly because I wanted to see some hot young college boys). When Greg and I infiltrated the dorm, our first stop was the bathroom. All of us decided to go pottie - in the cutest little pink bathroom. Go figure the pink bathroom on the boy’s floor. Larisa claims that it must be because pink makes people think of home and home reminds people of their mothers and that would make them not want to pee on the floor. I disagree... I think pink reminds people of home and that makes them want to pee on the floor even more.

After the urination session we picked up Larisa's friend Flora and we headed off to have some party action. Upon leaving the dorm we realized it was now time to find Derrick and Dawn who ventured off into the wilderness we'll call Ann Arbor. We finally found them hoeing out on some corner next to a frat house. Off to the party. On the way to the festivities the five of us laughed about random stories... this one in particular I remember:

My sister and her friend were walking down the street earlier on Friday and this car load of black men pulled up next to them and said to Larisa "Good Lord, Sweet Jesus... that is goooooood." Somehow these things happen to Larisa. She's got a ghetto booty. What can I say? My mom had a relatively similar experience when I took her to a bar in East Lansing... I turned my head for maybe a minute and my mom is being sandwiched in between two black men sipping on a 40. Mind you... they don't sell 40's at the club... to this day it is a mystery how she got her hands on one.

Putting Larisa in charge of directions is a mistake. The girl is a brain surgeon, however she is most certainly, directionally challenged. We walked around Maple and some other nut street for 20 minutes before we found where we were going. The only reason we found where we were going is because someone (a yummy HOT college twink) came out of the apartment complex and tracked us down. Thank god Larisa is pretty... otherwise we may have been out there for a long time!

In the party.... I forgot what it is like going to a college guy's (let me rephrase that... a straight college guys) apartment. It was a dump. The floors were sticky, it reeked of cheap liqueur, and everyone was completely obliviated. The nice thing is that when people are drunk, they give you free drinks. HOWEVER... free doesn't always mean good. Myself, I am a Bud Light drinker, sometimes Labatt Blue kinda guy. If I am drinking 40's, I prefer Bud Ice. I was forced to drink Miller Light and when that ran out... Natty Light (aka Natural Light). I thought I was going to barf. Gross. How can a company manufacture something so repulsive? I guess the poor college aged student is prone to purchasing such garbage... that's okay. You can't bitch when it's free, right? We definitely got to meet some interesting characters.

Jake: He's the hot boy that I couldn't get enough of. Apparently he was formerly suspected as being "family" - if you catch my drift. I still think he has potential. I know I would attack his hot body. Besides he interacted with my sister just like I would with one of my girl friends. They hugged one another, etc. I wish he would have hugged me. **** Four Stars on the wood chart.

Jarrett: He made it very clear that he is not the Subway guy... even though they look quite similar. He's tall, doesn't wear glasses, but would look cute in them now that I think about it. He went to Cranbrook (SIDE NOTE: He knows the Gershenson's... ewwww) Ohh, he was adamant that his name is not Jared... but Jarrett, with 2 r's and 2 t's. Oops. I didn't realize this until about 3/4 of the way through the night (sometime after the shots of 151).

Lev: He's the Mexican looking one. He was nice enough to share his keg and his 151. Peace brother.

After the apartment and a long conversation about directions (this Jarrett kid is a pro when it comes to judging distance and matching it up with how long it takes to get there... I guess they had nothing else to do at Cranbrook), we decided to head off to Lev's to party in a more relaxed environment. Once I was in the hall, I took a keen fascination to all the phone books lying on the floor. I decided it would be fun to "borrow" one and "read" it. That's when I found the random package in the center of the hallway. I'm like a cat - curiosity will eventually kill me. Drunk and stupid... I was reading the package and walked away with it. NOT even realizing that I was permanently "borrowing" it. Dying to know what was inside, I opened it. I ripped the top off, poured out all of the peanuts, and to my surprise and immediate excitement it was a brand new bottle of Burberry cologne. Even better it was shipped directly from England!! EVEN BETTER - I've been told this is the brand new fragrance that has just recently been available to the public. OMG. I slid it down my pants and off we went.

**SIDE NOTE** I felt terrible about my criminal act on Saturday morning... I'm not a thief. The only problem is, I don't know exactly where I got it from, so I couldn't bring it back. Thankfully I recall the package having insurance on it, so that person will get another bottle.

House party: I was expecting a bash. Basically it was everyone from the apartment moving over to the house. There were more places to sit so, it was better. They had this really cool bar that had a naked chick with fish tank tits. Totally awesome. Cool enough that even I would have it in my place! This is when I decided it would be a good idea if we did a group shot with Bacardi 151. I guess I had forgotten how rotten that shit is!!! I think we all about tossed our cookies. Thank god for the Dr. Pepper that Larisa was smart enough to get in advance. Even the Natty Light tasted 'Good and Plenty" after that. So during the course of the evening somewhere along the line, it became cool to say "BUFFALO" and punch knuckles. We kept that going all night, however Larisa and I had our own version every time the boys went 'nuts'... we said "Shelby T" and knocked knuckles. Cute huh? We know it.

Leaving the house party was crazy... Larisa decided to jump on my back... mistake. NEVER jump on a drunk boy's back. We hit a tree, almost fell over several times, and at some point, we lost a shoe. Thankfully we found the shoe. The piece of Larisa's brain we lost on the tree... gone forever.

So walking back to the dorm we passed a house party... Derrick and Dawn decided to attend. Greg decided to pee on their house and Larisa and I decided to reminisce about how much fun we had. A few squirts of the Burberry were in order. The shit smells good. Now I know why someone ordered it! I guess the house party was pretty flat, even though they offered us free drinks. Instead we decided to head home in pursuit of food. That is until Derrick tried to steal a rock... a BIG rock. A HUGE rock. Thankfully it was too big for him (he can only handle little rocks) because I have a feeling the fraternity he tried to steal it form would have been unhappy about it missing!

As you can imagine, it is most difficult finding an open restaurant at 3:30am. We did it thought. Good ole Jimmy John's. I love Vito (number 5).... it felt so good to eat. We all got a little snack - especially Dawn who deep throated the largest 'pickle' in the place. That girls got game! Watch out boys... she'll chew you up - she's a MAN-eater!

On the way back to the dorm from JJ's.... I got this brilliant idea to sing Tina Turner - Proud Mary. "At first.... we did it nice... and easy. And then we did it... nice..... and rough!" Before I knew it... everyone was singing at the top of their lungs. Derrick and Greg were singing the Soprano parts... Larisa was singing the Harmony.... ohhh yeah, Derrick was also doing the dance moves too. HOT HOT HOT! After our first round it was then necessary for an encore... I followed it with "I Will Survive". Song and Pole Dancing.... quite a combination. I was swinging off of light posts.... it was time for bed.

Upon arrival at the dorm, we all used the specified women's restroom - they have the cutest little mini toilets... the look like butt washers (forgive me because I can't spell Buday...) We joked and went to bed. NO straight boy action.... although Greg did complain earlier in the evening that I didn't give him a hug... hummm.

I slept shitty, only because I was sleeping on a concrete floor in a dorm room. Thankfully my comforter from Victoria's Secret was my saving grace. Considering I was drunk as hell. I woke up the next morning to the sound of an alarm clock going off. What is with people who go on vacation and leave their damn alarm clocks going off? They need to be shot. The sound was echoing through the dorm halls.... Crichee. I could have killed that rat bastard for his/her uncourteous gesture. What a way to wake up.

Sometime late Friday evening Larisa informed me that we were driving her friend Flora home as well. Let's count... that is six people in a 2 door Grand Am. It was tight... ohh yeah, and both girls brought enough laundry to pack the trunk full. The funniest part of the morning was when I saw the old man (maybe 65) driving down the sidewalk on his scooter... he was pimpin. I imagine that he spent some G's on that baby! When we finally packed everyone into the car we were once again off to Livonia. When we got to Greg's to drop him off, he showed us his baby. A 1969 Chevrolet Pick-Up. This thing is as wide as a hummer is and as loud as our boat... he was so proud. Boys and their toys... I have a blender. Wait, no I don't. I have a George Foreman grill!!! Take that straightee.

So I spent the day at my folk's house... just lounging and play with "puss" (that cat sicko-s... that's my dad's name for it). We had Chinese food for dinner (my favorite aside from Thai) - I ordered the usual Moo Goo Gai Pan with fried rice and an egg roll. Yummm. We debated as a family the Colby Bryant scandal, talked a bit about Carol Lewis and her bullshit and then Larisa, Lisa and I headed off to the cinema for a flick. We decided to see "Matchstick Men". I totally recommend this film to anyone that wants to see a good movie. I LOVED it. Of course I also think Nicolas Cage is an excellent actor as well. Go Nic!

Cat Shit. What's the deal with it? This little kitten who doesn't even weigh but 3 pounds yet, takes the stinkiest shits ever. We were all sitting downstairs chatting and the cat took an enormous crap and it smelled like Dad, Lisa, Larisa and I all took a dump on the coffee table. It was nasty. Just makes you wonder how terrible it is going to smell when she grows up. Ewww.

After several hours of deliberation - Larisa finally decided what she wanted to wear out to the Club. Saturday was Angie's birthday and we all got together at Main Street Billiard's in Rochester. I never thought I would have so much fun at a straight club. All of my good highschool peeps were there, and some new ones as well. "Larry" and "Moe" couldn't take all the heterosexuality (they claim they are not heterophobic though)... so they only stayed briefly. Brief enough that Larisa and I didn't even get to see them. I felt bad because my cell phone died earlier in the day, and I forgot to call them to let them know I wasn't going to join them at Q... I can be a shitty friend sometimes. Sorry guys! It was Ang's birthday - I had to show my girl some love. And did I ever....

In fact - Ang propositioned me... All I can say is that we are going to have FUN as roomies! I got to spend a lot of time with my girls -Ang, Bethanie, Melissa, Laura, Larisa.... only Jenny and Hootch were missing!!! We talked about old times, laughed at the tragic people from highschool that we saw there. As a matter of fact, my senior prom date was there - she showed me pictures of her baby.... and told me to call her at her parents house. She still lives there! OMG.... cute kid though.

I also learned that some girls are just meant to be together. Larisa and Melissa together are "Dangerous Liaisons". They were hootching themselves out ALL night. You go girls. If only I had tits. I could get everything!!!! At one point my sister walked up to the bar in between two men, ordered drinks and shots for her and I, and the gentleman paid for them all! Crazy. I can't even get a gay man to buy me drinks at the bar, but low and behold... I go to the straight club and all my drinks were paid for just because I brought my sister. Her and I are definitely going out more often. Speaking of drinks getting paid for - Ang was fucking TRASHED. She's a good dancer though. I'll give her that much. Everytime we danced... she insisted that my hands paid attention to her booty. Good thing she's a hot babe. I love you Ang!!!!

Tragic part of the evening... when I saw a familiar face who gained weight and became nasty. Toller Starnes. This kid and I were in Boy Scouts together, and what do I see... his nasty ass trying to hook it with my little sister. Gross. Recommendation from the Queer One (aka me)... shave, wax that chest hair, burn the wife beater, and lose about 30 pounds.... ohh yeah and get a better attitude bitch. Keep your hands where they belong... off Melissa and definitely away from Larisa.

We stayed at the bar until we got kicked out. I drove Larisa back to my folks house. We had a nice meaningful conversation about life and the pursuit of happiness. Brothers give good advice... gay brothers give even better advice. Go us!!! I was so excited to finally get home, take a bath and go to bed. What a long 24 hour period!!!

Until next time fellow readers....

J





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I suck - I can't do HTML. Leave it to the computer geeks.

Fuck yeah! I got some HTML Code to work. This is fun shit!

How about this:

Gary's Great Adventure

NOW -after you notice that Gary hasn't updated his site in over a week! Email Him...
Would you write in your damn journal already, Bitch!

I have been playing with HTML all day. I'm learning some really cute stuff. How exciting. I never thought I would turn in to such a dork-a-lork. Ohh well. Look for more fun fabulous things to appear on my blog.

So, last night was boring. I worked an hour of overtime and I went home. I did however have my first three way with Linda and her friend Cassie (call that is). Linda wasn't aware that you could have a three-way conversation on a cellular phone. Pretty cool, huh Hootch? I talked a bit with her. Normally when I get out at 9:30p, my phone has barely had a call all day long (boo hoo, right?)... well everytime I work overtime my phone rings non-stop. I had five messages by the time I got out at 10:30p. I felt important!

After returning all the calls - I cleaned my kitchen. I didn't even eat a real dinner last night... just snacked on some leftovers in the fridge. Cleaning is a bear... Everything looks so fancy. LOL

OMG... so I've been in this mood lately... I've really been missing an old ex boyfriend of mine Christian (from almost four years ago). You can ask anyone who knew me at the time (especially Hootch) that I was gaga over this guy. I was completely in love (for the first time ever). I thought I loved Josh, but I think that is only because he was my first real boyfriend. Christian came years after Josh (and many men later). I really, truly loved him. This boy sent me to counseling after he dumped me - for reasons still unclear. Anyhow... so I've had all these feelings lately and I've wanted to talk to him really badly. Not because I want to get back together, but more so just to check and see how he is doing. Even to this day, I love him. FOUR YEARS LATER, I still miss him. Is that considered true love? I don't know.

So, what did I do - I sent him a card. TO his parents house of course because I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. I called his mother a few months ago (January to be exact) since her and I still keep in slight contact. I actually sent him a card that I originally bought for him back when we were together. Of course it was a lovey-dovey card. I kept it all this time in hopes that I would find someone else that I cared about to give it to. When I buy cards they are tailored to a specific person, so I can't ever give it to anyone else. So I sent it to him. I figure, WTF do I have to lose? Nothing. Surprise, surprise Christian! What is bizarre, is that when Brad and I broke up, I didn't even cry. Not one time. When Christian and I broke up, I cried for months.... everytime I thought about him. Everytime a song came on the radio that reminded me of him... everytime I wore the clothes he bought me for Christmas... BLAH. I'm stupid...

After writing the card, walking it to the mailbox so I couldn't stop myself from sending it later... and after stealing a bunch of flowers from my apartment complex garden, I went to bed.

I scheduled my official interview with Flagstar Bank this morning. I will be meeting with a human resources rep next Thursday at 10:00 am SHARP. How exciting. I really hope I get the job, because if I don't, I will feel like a moron. If Blake Spear can get hired by Flagstar, and I can't.... I may as well end my life now because OnStar may be in my distant future FOREVER!!!! AGHHHHHHHHHH!

DRAMA OF TODAY:
Taco Bell (aka Toxic Hell) - On my lunch break I motored on over to TB to grab a bite to eat. I drove down to the TB right across from the "place" Gary got "fired" from years ago... LOL I love you man!!!! So I pull up to the drive thru and I order my usual - #1 with a soft taco supreme and a raspberry ice tea. The guy repeats back to me "#4 with an extra taco and a Pepsi"... no ya dipshit... (in a slow voice) "n...u...m...b...e...r... 1. With a Soft Taco Supreme and a RASPBERRY ICE TEA." I got the right food.... but the wrong drink. I hate Pepsi and guess what I got... Pepsi. Stupid MF. I tell you what... the drive thru business needs to start paying more to the employees... them fools are stupid.

Back to work and praying for 9:30p. Tonight I am driving to Ann Arbor to party the night away with Larisa. On the way I am stopping in Livonia to get my "straight" love, Gregory. What a night this will be. It should be fucking awesome. Frat boys, Greg.... and beer. Life can be so good sometimes!!! One of these days, I'll get to be the lucky boy that Greg gets drunk and kisses. Funny story... last night my sister tried to make a bet with me that she could sleep with Greg before I could... whatever girl. Don't test me. :-P

Well... I feel naked today. Cute and naked. I left my cell phone at home... ohhh well. You never know how much you love something until it is gone. You know the whole, let it go and if it comes back thing.... I let myself go from the phone today... and I am DEFINITELY going back to get it. A gay Mecca without his phone... come on... for real.

Stay tuned for Sunday's entry... there will be some good shit. PROMISE!!!

J




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Jai: Hot Fucking Latino

Which Member from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is your type?
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Damn! I was really hoping for Kyan. I like Jai... he's a fun guy. Yummm.

So... Tuesday night was pretty boring. I skipped the gym (as usual). I don't know what my problem is lately. I just can't find any spare energy at all. NONE. I think I may need to get some good drugs to cure this problem. This is why I started seeing the shrink back in April. To get some good shit to cure my laziness. All I got in the end was a fucking bill for a missed appointment that I never even scheduled to begin with!!! I thought the therapist was supposed to help. NOT fuck you over in the end. Bitch. Just as soon as I get some energy to type a nasty letter - you better believe I'm sending it!!

Wednesday - The plan was to get up early and head over to my parents house... did that happen. Absolutely not. 8:15am rolled around and I was still tired. I didn't get up until 11am. Ohh well. I got a ton of shit down at the folks house. Lot's of cleaning. I got to play with the cat too. She is too cute. My, they grow up so fast!!!

Last week, if you can remember I took back an entire trash can full of returnables. I told Jenny that night that I bet my dad would ask for the money. She said "now way, serious?" Yes way... serious. When I went in yesterday, there was a note on the counter with a list of things to do and "Were you planning on giving me the money for the bottles?" I almost shit my pants... do I know my father or what? He has issues with bottle returns. Actually, find side note... when we were all tailgating at UofM he told us a story about how awesome it was back in the seventies when they started the bottle return... back then 10 cents was worth a lot more than it is now... I think they should increase the bottle return - WAIT A MINUTE... wrong. That means I would have to pay more out of pocket. Forget it. Only if I were homeless and riding a Schwinn with a basket would I vote for that!

Yesterday was such a gorgeous day outside. I washed my car, which is a complete miracle. This time of year, the car only gets washed when it snows. LOL It always feels so good to wash my car. All I can think of is "Working at the Car Wash...". OMG... I've never seen that movie, but for a good laugh, I'd like to. I didn't even know it existed until I saw a clip of it on VH1 - "I Love the Seventies". he he he Good Show...

After washing my car and listening to my stepmother bitch for ten minutes... we were off to Ocean Breeze, the tragic little family diner right down the street from their house. They have a really nice menu, so it is always easy for me (the indecisive one) to choose something. I opted for Chicken Stir-Fry with a side order of Green Beans. When I ordered the green beans, the waitress said "you don't really need that, your dinner has a lot of vegetables in it already." Apparently the comment was necessary because I didn't know what I was ordering. I guess I look less educated than your normal white trash eater at the restaurant does. I couldn't believe that women said that to me. I just responded with, yes ma'am, I know that stir fry has vegetables. I'd like a side order of green beans to go with my dinner. She looked at me like I was retarded. Ohh well, I guess this is why I have a college education and don't work in a diner.

Lisa and I discussed jobs and why I can't seem to get one. Lisa thinks it is because my interviewing skills need sharpening, specifically when it comes to my response about why I left C. Lewis Consulting. I think it is because Carol Lewis is sabotaging my career. I think the evil bitch is destroying me from afar. At first I thought Jenny could pretend to be an employer and just call to do an employment verification - but then I realized, if Carol did say something that she shouldn't say legally, I wouldn't have any way to prove it. So today, I created a fake email account and sent a message from Denise M O'Reilly, Senior Vice President of Event Marketing for a consulting firm in New York City. I figured this would rile up Carol's feathers a bit. I simply stated that we had interviewed Mr. Ensign and found him to be an exact match for the qualifications we were looking for and could she verify his employment dates, salary and title with the company. I am still waiting for the response... she better watch what she says, or else. I'll find a good attorney and that BITCH will go down once and for all! Just as Elizabeth Shue says "Don't Fuck with the Babysitter"... well this one's for you Carol Lewis, "Don't Fuck with the Former Employee"... as she knows, I don't lose.

Jenny and I were supposed to go out last night, but we both pooped out. NO biggie. I'm really excited because she has a ticket for the MSU vs. UofM game, so now I get to go. My first time ever watching a Spartan football game live. Sad, I know that it took me this long.

Instead of going out last night, I cleaned my own apartment instead. DAMN... it really needed it. I'm not a messy person, but some things just need maintenance. The hardwood floors were gross. It smells so fresh in my place now... I LOVE when everything is clean. Tonight I have to go home and finish up... I got everything scrubbed except the kitchen. Ohhh yeah... the best part of last night was putting up my Halloween decorations. I love to decorate.... I get really bored of the shit after about two weeks, but I still love putting it up. I got these really cute Halloween things from Target last year for 75% or 90% off... whatever it was... it was a steal. I put them up at Brad's house... however it wasn't the same because Halloween was over. They look so good. Sucks to be the kids in my building though... I won't be passing out candy to them. BRATS. They annoy me.

So this morning, I got up went to work and have been sitting here all day. Nothing terribly exciting has happened... EXCEPT.... FLAGSTAR called me for a job at Headquarters!!! Yippppeeeee!!! "Larry" and I will more than likely get into sooooo much trouble. LOL This calls for shopping. I need all new work clothes... he he he. Flagstar is a fashion show from the second you walk in the door, to the moment you leave. I am totally ecstatic. mOnStar sucks... FagStar rocks....

Go me... I'll keep everyone updated. Til next time.... keep your dicks in your plants and everything tucked inside the vaginal channels....

J

Email Me Punks! ,

Every single day, sometimes two or three times a day I win a DVD player. If only this was true. Junk mail is quite a phenomenon these days. Let us see today I got "Older women with amazing penetrations"; "Let your wanger grow up to 6 inches"; "Please take our survey to WIN WIN WIN"; "M.I.L.F. in the ass"; "Huge Breasted White Women Riding Huge Black Cocks"; "Secrets to Cheating E-Bay"; "Reduce or Eliminate your Debt"; and a few jobs newsletters. My question is - Why do I get all this shit? Especially M.I.L.F. If they only knew. I would say on an average day I get over 100 junk mail messages that are filtered to the junk mail folder. I probably get 10 emails per day that are actually from people I know or things that I am interested in receiving. Grrrrr.... ohhh and I forgot my favorite "Family Fun - dad's doing daughters, mom's doing sons, brothers doing brothers (now that one is hot!!!!)"

So, not much here to report on the homefront. Work sucks (what's new), I don't get paid enough (what's new), and I'm broke as smoke!

LOL, work drama from today... on my last break, I was thirsty and hungry so I went searching for the pizza that I could smell. I didn't find pizza, but I found an entire bottle of Root Beer (a 2 Liter). While I was on the phone with Gary, I snatched the 2 Liter, took it outside to the rear picnic table (this was after I walked from one end of the building to the other because I didn't want to walk by security) and I drank the 2 Liter outside by the rear entrance. Too funny. It was good! Of course now I have indigestion.

My fabulous co-worker and I "Latifah" had an incident this evening.... She was talking to a gentleman on the phone and he was calling to bitch about his credit card being billed (I think - more than likely). Every time that she attempted to conference in the guy with his credit card company, the phone system dialed a random number after only four digits of the telephone number being dialed. Totally bizarre. I think the Poltergeist lives in this phone system. The strange, the unusual... that's OnStar for you.

Well... the gym was in my future, however I feel lazy. I'm going to go home and eat instead.

Ta ta.

J

http://www.msu.edu/~wolfgary/

This is real comedy! Even better that the bottom of the page states "Do not tell anyone about this". LOL Go GARY!

This seemingly is the Theme at Danny's 'dance' club in Windsor. Hot men, totally naked, practically masturbating on stage right before your eyes. This isn't to say that every single one of them is hot hot hot. Just a few. I can tell that a lot of women were "pulsating" (please refer to previous journal entry from Thurs. Oct 2). Good times had by all.

So I bolted out of work Friday night and rushed over to our meeting spot (Jenny and I have not determined that the grocery store parking lot is 'our' spot to meet up now). I was changing clothes as I was driving - try it some time. It isn't easy. I pulled in to the lot only 2 minutes after I said I would be there, which honestly is quite and accomplishment if you know me. Of course it had to be raining outside - but that is definitely why indoor activities were necessary. I met up with Jenny, Mandy (her stunningly gorgeous friend) and Sarah **SIDE note... all three chica's looked fabulous. If only I were straight. LOL The Wizard of Oz just popped in my brain... sing that to the tune of "If I only had a Brain"**

We all managed to squeeze in to the Accord and we were officially off. Off to a foreign land were complete nakedness is legal. Yumm. Of course on the way down we reminisced of old times (the action packed deer story, the time some boy asked OnStar if they could change the color of the stoplights so we could keep going without stopping, the time Mandy had her bra ripped off at Danny's (not often that you see naked tee tee's at Danny's), and of course the time a raging fight broke out the last time I appeared at the 'girl club').

Waiting in line for customs of course was a disaster on a Friday evening... Mandy and I were eyeing out a hottie in a Beemer (some bitch ass ho was with him... I bet she was a hooker!) When we finally got up to the front of the line - the customs guy said the usual "Where are you heading this evening?" Jenny states "Danny's." Naturally I was sitting on the drivers side of the vehicle in the back seat and the customs dude immediately looked at me and got this bizarre look on his face like, what the hell? Jenny then said, "yeah, he's with us". The guy didn't say another word and just said - "go ahead". He was confused - like most straight men are. I then began to think hot fun it would be to have a random sexual encounter on one of the customs booths... going down on the customs guy while he was checking people in. he he he I know... I'm naughty (but I'm nice too!)

Speaking of confused 'straight' men I've chatted a few times with Greg that past couple days. He flew back to Cali earlier this week to pick up his blessed truck. Some hot rod thing that I bet he looks hot driving... maybe he'll take me for a ride some day ;-) Literally! LOL He is driving all the way from California to Michigan - YIKES. Every time I talked to him he seemed to be in Colorado. Let me just say that cellular reception out west, SUCKS! Hardcore sucks. I can't wait for Greg to move to Livonia so we can hang out more often. He's a cool guy. Grrrrrrrrr! ;-)

Back to Danny's.... So we get to the club, park the car (that was a slight ordeal - we had to barter with the parking attendant to get a decent spot) and head inside. I was so excited because this time. I wasn't ousted to the upper section. I got to sit on the floor. he he he. I was a lot more comfortable this time around for whatever reason... Now Jenny, Sarah and Mandy are regulars and they know EVERYONE. All the guys are like... "heyyyyy".... and the girls are like "heyyyyy". I'm like - hi. The girls even know the "dancers" by first name - their REAL first names. I was thinking about it and if I were a stripper.... excuse me, I mean 'dancer', I would be "Snake". Definitely fitting if you've even been graced with my pleasure stick... LOL (that's dancer talk right there). Jenny wants me to compete on Amateur night... a few more months in the gym and I'm there!

Nothing unusual happened at Danny's... the girls got their dancers... B.O boy (who shames the gay world) danced for Mandy on stage during the 'celebration', Jenny got a loooooong dance from a hot assed boy named David (who by the way I am searching the internet to find him for her... since I am so good at what I do, LOL). He needs a haircut though... I think the most action I got was partially kissing Jenny and Mandy. Ohh and I did learn that I have some 'mad skills' with my tongue. Hummmm... I always knew I was good at "tossing salad" - maybe I should become a 'chef'. He he he!

On the way home we decided to take the tunnel versus taking the bridge (as we did on the way there). Somehow, and for the life of me I don't know why, we started talking about beans. We developed this thing... here goes:

"If you are high - you are a baked bean"
"If you are in the military - you are a navy bean"
"If you are an environmentalist - you are a green bean"
"If you are a former celebrity - you are a has "bean"
"If you are Columbian - you are a coffee bean"
"If you are a south of the border trampolinist - you are a Mexican Jumping bean"
"If you are overweight - you are a Jelly bean"
"If you are anorexic - you are a string bean"
"If you are a girl who likes girls - you are a les"bean" and so on....

This kept us amused for most of the car ride home. We had some good laughs over those!!! I finally got home from our excursion at about 2:30am. Hungry as hell. I called Greg and ate a pizza.

Saturday morning, I still couldn't get out of bed. Something is wrong with me - it must be because it is fall. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks now. GAWD!!!! This makes me feel disgusting. Obviously I don't have a weight issue, but after seeing all the hot bodies at Danny's - tanned and toned... it made me feel like a repulsive wet rat. I WILL HAVE A ROCK SOLID BODY DAMMIT!

My goal for Saturday was to find something to make for the Oktoberfest party I was to attend. I drove over to my parent's house and recruited my stepmother to help me cook. After several hours of deliberation - I finally decided to make Chocolate Eclairs. I can be quite a chef (hence the salad comment from above). If you have ever been to any dinner party that I hosted (back when Brad was paying for the food, lol) you would know that I can not accept doing anything cheesy and that I get very upset when things don't turn out as planned. Thankfully, these yummy delicious eclairs were 'close to perfect'. They actually were very easy to make and assemble. Ang just happened to stop over right in the middle of filling them, so I recruited her assistance. It was fun. They must have been a hit because EVERY single one of them was gone. GO ME!

Ang and I left for the party at around quarter after 6 to meet Mel and her 'delicious' boyfriend Chris. All this 'food' talk is making me 'hungry'. ;-) Thanks Chris! LOL Can I just say that this party was LOADED with food. Yes folks, food, not 'food' (as in boys - previous reference). When we finally sat down for dinner, my plate was so loaded you would have sworn I was eating for five. I managed to pack almost everything I put in my plate in my belly... stuffed is not the appropriate word for this feast of food I scarfed.

After a couple glasses of wine, a few glasses of beer and a couple shots of Pucker... my inhibitions were set free and I immediately started discussing Danny's, porn, and everything in between. I think I made Ang's sis a bit uncomfortable at one point because she got up and left. Ohh well.... she left me alone with her BF (MISTAKE HONEY!). We talked some more about porn, sex and then engineering... and then some more about sex. At one point Mel even asked me if I thought her BF looked gay. I replied with no comment... I didn't want to embarrass the poor guy. Did I mention he is CUTE! :-) I definitely approve! You go GIRL!

I ended up leaving the festivities about 1 am. I had a nice little surprise on my door step when I got home - my NEW porn! YAY. I love getting presents. Truly exciting! I've already seen most of this one from downloading clips of it from Kazaa - so nothing new. It just happens to be one of my favorites. Remind me NEVER to loan this one out!! A couple of months ago Gary, Steve, "Larry" and "ToreAss" were making fun of my "collection" - HA. You can't make fun of this one. It's a good show, mates! LOL

Yesterday was pretty boring for the love life... no calls. No chats... BLAH. I did get a message or two from T. Yay! Thanks QT. Ohh and a message from Greg - if you wanna count him!

Of course today I'm at work - nothing to report. Really boring. Today I think I may plan my Halloween Costume. I had a good idea earlier regarding the wizard of OZ... that one might work out... we'll see! Pimps and Drag Queens and Whores.... Ohhh my!

Ta ta Rock Stars!

J

...can kiss my royal red ass!

What the hell? So naturally this morning, I could not pull myself out o bed. Silly me set the wrong alarm (I have two on my clock) so it woke me up half an hour early... right in the middle of REM sleep. That is the worst. I went back to bed and slept for another half an hour which was a complete mistake. It took me fifteen minutes to get up after that... yuck. Thankfully today is jean day, so atleast I looked yummilicious. Go me!

In a rush I bolted out of the apartment and out to the car. I clicked my fob the car doors opened and I got in... funny thing... a CD was sitting on my drivers seat. HUmmm.... I know I was the last person and the only person with a key and I wasn't listening to a CD the night before and I would have known if I sat on one. I looked in the back seat and I noticed a bunch of empty jewel cases... bizarre. Those were in the middle compartment the last time I checked. That's when I noticed... my CD case was GONE! MISSING. STOLEN!!!!! My question of the day - How the Fuck did they get in the car?

I specifically remember the alarm beeping the night before and I heard the doors unlock this morning, so how did they break in and steal probably close to $2,500 in CD's without setting off the car alarm? What good are those damn things if they don't work? I am so sad... Guster is gone.... Madonna is gone.... Cher is gone..... Prince is gone..... It is a sad day in Jason's world. Oddly enough, nothing else was stolen. The cologne, the radar detector, the sunglasses, the Olympics backpack - all still there. Everything was left in the trunk untouched... and the thieves didn't even open the glove box in the dash. WTF. What I don't get is.... since when did thieves become courteous? They locked my doors after they stole my shit. Nice guys. I should send them a letter of appreciation. Fuckers. ARGGGHGHHHHHHHHHH! Five CD's survived - Jewel (Pieces of You), Fleming and John (Delusions of Grandeur), and three homemade Cd's (one from Jenny, one from Blake, and one from Steve).

Unfortunately because I do not have renters insurance I can't claim anything... I tried to schnazzle my dad into claiming it on his homeowner's but he won't do it. The only option left is to claim it on my car insurance - however the payment is already $250 a month.... I don't need that bitch ass payment to sky rocket... What to do? What to do? I'm thinking I also lost a laptop, a digital camera and a cell phone ;-) he he he

So last night I was so excited because on my digital cable I now have On Demand. When I was poking through the On Demand listings I noticed that it now has HBO and Cinemax... So I flipped through while I was on the phone with Tim and found an adult program (softcore of course) I was interested in... Fuck the cable company. I have to subscribe to HBO and or Cinemax in order to use the On Demand versions. Piss on them. I watched Ab Fab instead! Yaya.

Back today... work sucked. I was late. Yet another tardy to add to my list. I had so many computer problems I had to move desks three times. I don't even want to get in to how bad this place makes me cringe. Just an example - there are no supervisors here and haven't been for hours, and won't be for the rest of the night. WTF? Don't they get paid to supervise? Ohhh well. PAR-TAY!

Five minutes til quitting time. The girls and I are off to Danny's this evening for some nekked stripper action! Yippee! There will be stories, I guarantee it. The last time we were there, a fight broke out between these two black women and a manager. Tables and people were thrown - no exaggeration. All over the cost of the drinks. HELLO! It's a strip club ladies... drinks are over priced (not that I know from experience or anything...) Anticipate my stories....

'night 'night

J

Wow... it has been a few days since I updated... sorry all.

I haven't really had much to report recently and to be honest have not been in the best of spirits to update.

I can't say that this has been the most interesting week of my life. I've been chatting/ emailing with a very nice young man named Tim (T). For all of you fashion Diva's out there - you now have some flavorful competition. Tim is 'THE' Fashionista from 'down under' (meaning down by the border - of Michigan and Ohio, that is), LOL. The boy is fierce. Grrrrrr.

Ever since the tailgating adventure from last weekend, my back has been killing me. HARDCORE killing me. I don't know what I did - I wish it was something fabulous like... " I had an orgy with the boys of Bel Ami all weekend long. They couldn't get enough of my long, thick hard cock..." NOW that would have been better than the truth - "I think I pulled it while I was sleeping, alone." We can all dream can't we? Yumm to Johan Paulik and rollerblades. Speaking of porn... I just ordered a new one... one of my favorites actually - "The House of Morecock". It stars this really cute cartoon character and his sexual escapades. I'm weird... yeah, I know. But he is hot Hot HOT!

So on Monday night I went grocery shopping. I finally got paid and of course had to spend it all right away. I was so low on food, that I had eaten all of the Ramen, had Spaghetti with no sauce, and had nothing to drink but water from the tap (that seemingly is NEVER cold - What is with that??) Grocery shopping on a budget is not easy to do. Everything looks so good. The entire time I was in the store all I could keep telling myself was "resist the temptation - resist the temptation". I'm glad it said it so many times, because I left with $1.36 left to spare in my checking account. Things like that always seem to work out for me.

Here is my beef with Meijer though... you would think that if they were going to restock the store, that:

a) They would each bring one pallet out at a time - clear that pallet and get another one. NEGATIVE. They bring every mother fucking pallet out of the stockroom, crowd the aisles so bad that you can't even get one cart through, not to mention they throw all of their boxes and shit everywhere. I was VERY displeased with this. I was literally waiting for a box to fall on me so I could sue. I had to crawl on top of a pallet full of shit, just to get a jig of milk.

b) they would chose to do this at say 3 am, not 11 pm. Are they dumb? People are still awake and shopping at 11 pm. Not many normal people are awake and grocery shopping at 3 am.

Once I was done with my shopping excursion, I was so excited to get home and relax. Of course what happens then? Only ONE lane is open.... yes I said one. What the fuck? There were ten people standing in one line with carts loaded with groceries. There are five hundred idiots stocking, and one person at the check out. They didn't even have a bagger up there. Poor management. POOR!

That was Monday night. Tuesday nothing happened, except chatting with T ;-) *MUAH* You go boy!

Wednesday. This is always a big day of the week for me. It is J. Ro. day. We decided on Monday night that we would go the cinema on Wednesday. The ghetto cheap show at Macomb Mall... fabulous! I spent all day cleaning at my parentals. Fun fun. Lisa worked from home, so I had to combat her all day. I found some old pics of when my parents were married which made me smile. They both used to be so cute back then. I found a bunch of when they were in college, some of their honeymoon, some of their wedding... absolutely precious. To think... I was there! ;-)

Lisa and I decided to be deceitful and clean out some of the old books. We figured that Paul would never miss them. I packed those bitches up and immediately took them to the library. Dad won't even know until he goes to do taxes and spies a tax receipt from a book donation. Even then he won't realize what they were... or will he. Seriously, one day I borrowed a DVD thinking he wouldn't notice (since he has over 200 of them now)... I kid you not. I brought it back three days later and the first thing he said to me was... did you borrow My Fair Lady without asking? I was floored. How the fuck he would have known is beyond me. I think our house is rigged with cameras. Thankfully, I no longer masturbate there. I haven't been caught yet... and I plan to keep it that way!!!

So after the drop off at the library I was off to Jenny's condo. Lovely place (have I mentioned that before?). We decided to see Bad Boy's II. Cute flick. The best part was when Will Smith said "That one made my asshole pucker". I think that was thrown in just for the gay audience. Puckering ass... reminds me of when I asked Jenny is pussies really pulsate. They actually do. I've learned so much about VAG lately.

Yeah, so the movie was hilarious... funny flick. After the show on the way home Jenny states that we should stop at this 'book store' by her house because it is actually a porn shop. Amazing how J. Ro and I always end up at a sex shop... a common theme. Before our trip into the "unknown", I had to stop behind the building and 'christen' the receiving door... aka urinate. Keen spot I chose... right next to the entrance/exit ramp for I-94 Little Mack exit.

We made it inside and braved our way right in to the "adult" section. CRAZINESS!!! We had some good laughs over bad porn, good porn, and cheap porn. It made both of us think of Marco... good old Marco. Porn King of Michigan. We played this fun game... use the porn title in a sentence... I wish I could remember some of the really funny ones. The worker bee's didn't find us to be so funny... we were rolling in the floor. We ended up buying the worst porn we could find... just for a good laugh. It was worth it.

After yet another trip to Meijer (to return cans for my parents) we went to back to Jenny's. With bowls of Bear Claw ice cream, equipped with Simon the cat, and a remote... we ventured into the world of eighties porn. The hair was exceptional... the outfits were to die for (Chanel would have been impressed), and the tits... OMG, EVERYONE HAD HUGE TITS... except the flat chested star of the film. She was jealous because everyone had big tits and she had none. Eventually she got a boob job by the end of the 'film' and as you guessed it - fucked her surgeon. I think the theme in the film was "kneed the tits, flick the clit, pump three times, fuck the tits and cum on the nips. Serious, EVERY scene, was like this... except for the luscious lesbian fun at the end... they were wearing matching red panties... Ohhh yeah, and the eighties heels with the cute fringe were unmatchable.

A good night of porn... what could be more fun. I know... vacuuming. I finally got one. My grandmother sent it my way. YAY. I got home and immediately 'swept the floor'. I was in heaven. A good day...ended great. Well except for when I realized, I lost my checkbook.

What the hell... I never use the damn thing and the one time I have it on me... I lose it. I swear.... who even writes checks anymore? Debit debit debit! Checks are for random things like rent... and gifts... payment of services rendered (Gary would know about this... ;-) - because he works at the bank, not because he accepts check payments. LOL

Okay... I should have left six minutes ago. I've got a cuteboy calling... gotta run.

Caio

J