"Boys Will be Boys"

WTF - how does this happen? We'll address this issue in a moment.
First - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SEXIEST MO-FO IN MICHIGAN - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

My birthday celebration was a huge success. To the people that attended it may not have been, but for me (the guy who has the worst birthday parties ever) it was a Grande affair.

Because of a schedule switch from "Latifah" (whom I can't thank enough for her unselfishness) I was able to get out of work at 7pm. I immediately jetted home and attempted to get ready. I knew that Ang and Bethanie were heading over so I had only a short time to get ready. In this amount of time all hell broke loose. My sister got a letter in the mail from UofM stating that she is currently on Academic Probation. My parents happened to open it and heaven instantly turned to hell. I think the combination of my parent’s decibel level when they were screaming at my sister registered on the Richter scale. I wasn't there to hear it - but trust me, I heard it. As a matter of fact, they were so pissed that they weren't going to attend MY birthday party. I wasn't about to hear that. I voiced my frustration and advised my parents that punishing me for something I had nothing to do with - was not only rude, but also extremely selfish. I told them to do what they thought was right, but I had no time to deal with this crap because I had a birthday party to attend. Much to my surprise the fam was there (less my dad but he wasn't going to come anyway - too gay for him).

Ang and Bethanie showed up right on time and demanded that I open their gifts. Ang bought me this really nice dressy, casual shirt from Express and Bethanie got me a Guster CD (my favorite band in the entire world). After opening gifts, I showered quickly, changed my clothes and was out the door - in a flash!

I arrived at Mongolian BBQ at 8:05p. I would have been on time except there is never anywhere to park in Royal Oak. I drove around for a good 10 minutes before I found a suitable parking spot. Someone, somewhere knew it was my birthday because I ended up getting a parking spot on the street almost directly in front of the restaurant.

It is such an awesome feeling to walk in to a room full of people that are there to celebrate you. All the people in the world that I truly care about (less only a few of them - Gary, Steve, John, Bobby, my dad...) were there in attendance - plus a few extra people that I am glad were able to join in the festivities. I LOVE to open gifts so it was very easy for me to rip off the "tease" paper and indulge in the satisfaction of receiving presents. GLORY BE TO THE HIGHEST - "JUST JASON".

The Gift List: (thanks to all who donated)
J RO and Mandy - Set of Champagne Flutes, a bottle of Dom Perignon (we can pretend right?), a Tranquility Fountain and a BEEF STICK!
Mark - a really super cute picture frame, with a nice piece of artwork. I love it even though the artwork is supposed to just be a filler for the frame. I'm displaying it like that (even that that could be borderline ghetto).
Nance - A pride bracelet. I'm the son she never had. I love you like a motha, sista! Ohh - and I love that DRG (Disco Related Garment) you had on - FABULOUS!
Hootch and Cassie - A wonderfully cuddly teddy bear and a set of drawer pillow, air freshener things (there must be a gay word inserted there - please forgive me for being "Gay-litically Incorrect".
Ang - The Express shirt - very suitable for my luscious body.
Bethanie - The Guster CD - very suitable for my musical tastes!

Dinner was fantastic as usual - mainly because I picked the ingredients. That is the beauty of Mongolian. If it sucks, you really only have yourself to blame. My last and final dish of the evening that I made, I went a tad bit overboard on spices. The scent of my dinner was so strong, I had some people hacking. It tasted delightful. I like my food like my men - HOT!

Thoughtful Automobile Advice of the Day - when purchasing a vehicle it would be best to test the distance that your key fob will work. This can and will prevent unnecessary trips outside in the winter when attempting to open your trunk for a friend. Kudos to Honda for the incredible distance of 80 feet.

Since I had only had one Margarita with dinner, it was time to get down to some real drinking. The groupies and I headed over to Pronto. Pronto is the epicenter of gayness in Southeastern Michigan. Thanks to Bill Thomas for his thoughtfulness in opening such a place for gay gatherings. It was rather busy at Pronto for being a Tuesday night. The peeps and I grabbed our drinks and headed into the "party room". The party room is nice only because it has furniture, it isn't quite as loud and not as many people crowd in here as they do in the bar area. I like it because I’m much more visible and because I despise people bumping into me - especially when I am sipping a chocolate martini. I felt it was only appropriate to drink what is quite possibly the best after dinner drink. If it weren't for the amount of liquor contained in this adult treat, I'd drink them more regularly. With my petite status, I'm tanked after one.

The ladies and gents bought me a few shots - a little Yager here, a cement mixer there (which I must say was quite tasty despite the bad rumors about it curdling in your mouth - it really just gets a yogurt consistency to it), and a Bud Light to top it all off. It was nice to just sit around and lounge for a bit, chatting with my friends. It allowed me to cool off for a bit before the real excitement began. It was close to midnight before the crowd from the birthday gathering dispersed in opposite directions. In the end it was J Ro, Marianne, Larisa and I. Which honestly was great. Sometimes big gatherings of people lead to an organizational nightmare - please refer to my event planning experience. We then left Pronto! to go over to Gold Coast, the strip club. Yumm.

There is nothing better than seeing some really cute, bad-dancing boys. Some are gay, some are straight - you never really know. They all have one thing in common though. They weren't good enough for Danny's, so they went to the reject club...Club Gold Coast. Despite it's chessy-ness and the quality of the facility it does remain one of my favorite hangouts. I was cheap enough to clip some coupons from the Metro Times that got my sister and I in cover free - which by the way in my opinion, if it is your birthday you shouldn't have to pay cover anyway. Once inside, we stepped up to the bar to get some drinks - what else would I be doing, right? LOL

One thing that I had discovered that works really well in terms of trying to get free drinks on your birthday is announcing to everyone that it is your birthday. The other thing is to wear a lot of Mardi Gras beads. The beads draw the prospective drink purchasers to you - the birthday announcement makes them feel guilty. It worked several times. I think when I am broke I might attempt this again throughout the year. LOL Some nasty old fucker (nasty meaning NASTY and old meaning OLD) caressed my firm ass and bought me a Yager shot. Thanks buddy. Of course then he wanted some beads. Thankfully they were so knotted together I couldn't get one off. I promised I would work on it and then find him to give him a pair. NOT. My beads only go to cute boys or women that will flash their tits (yes tits are novel, and just because I don't want to fuck them, doesn't mean I don't like to see them!). After my shot the bartender even bought me a drink. Wasn't that sweet of him? J RO is so good to me she even tipped him. My friends are awesome. I can't wait till their birthdays so I can treat them just as well. **MUAH**

The girls and I sat down for a bit and watched all the eye candy and the not so eye candy. It was all their first times being at a gay strip club, so that was interesting to view. I think Marianne was a bit frightened. We eventually got her out on the dance floor though. I think she secretly enjoyed herself. At one point this chica asked me for some beads. I insisted that in order for me to provide "jewels" that she had to provide me with some type of service. Without a pause, INSTANT TITTAGE. This girl had some knockers on her too. DAMN GINA. I think I gave her a few sets of beads for her extreme efforts to please me. Whoever you are Queen Fabulous - thank you. My cock didn't get hard, but it is the thought that counts. I'm pissed because you never brought your supposed cute friend back to meet me. Ohh well - his dick probably wasn't as big as your tits anyway! LOL :-)

Very soon after this episode I noticed that several men were chatting with my little sister. WTF? Shouldn't those men be chatting with me the older cute, gay brother? Every time I bring a straight girl out to the bar with me she ends up getting more action than I do. I don't get it. Maybe it is because in a gay bar women are the minority so the straight men that do exist (or the bi ones) flock to these women. It must be very similar to when gay men are in a straight environment and they flock to one another. Spelling it outloud makes much more sense. My sister ends up coming over to me and announcing that she will be right back because she is getting a free lap dance. Bitch was gone twenty minutes. I eventually had to go looking for her because she was gone so long and I was worried. even when I did find her, she was still getting a dance. Apparently she was a bit upset because the guy didn't even ask her for her number. I think it's because she didn't tip him. LOL The most action I got all night is when the money taker and the doorman spanked me on my bare ass because I had to go out to the car with Jenny to get her cigarettes. The dirty ole bastard tried to stick a finger in my ass too. I wasn't having that. I don't know if he was offended or not, but he had a pretty mischievous look on his face.

After a night of fun - Larisa and I parted from JRo and Marianne and went home - to bed. It was now New Years Eve - TIME TO PARTY!!!

'Night 'Night

J




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Phew - such a busy day and it is barely afternoon. Preparing for my birthday is quite a task. This morning I had to drop off my lease agreement for the new apartment, pick up my contact from the HOT HOT HOT eye doctor's office, got my haircut, and went tanning (for the first time in forever). Now of course I am at work - wondering, is my career at OnStar worth the trouble? BLAH.

So I decided to try out Mystic Tan. I've heard a lot about this new craze and have often wondered - does it really work? Can I have a glowing tan in only 60 seconds? Luckily I got a deal (a holiday "special"), it was only $65.00 bucks for four visits. I figure that gives me a tan for about two weeks. I'm going to go tomorrow as well to make sure that I look fabulous for the 31st celebrations. I also bought a package that allows me twenty visits in a variety of "sunless pleasures". This tanning facility is friggin awesome. It is really modern and very hi-tech looking. I've always been one for cleanliness, so I am quite impressed with the condition of the salon. It probably helps that every piece of machinery is brand spankin new. I LOVE IT! The staff was also very friendly and courteous and answered every single question that this pale white boy had. I can't wait to be fabulous and beautiful!!!

I've decided that as of January 2nd, I am putting myself on a workout regime. I've plotted my new workout program and I intend to strictly follow it. In six weeks I'll be toned and bulging (in all the right places - in addition to the places that are already bulging ;-). Not only will I be fit, but I'll be tanned too! I couldn't ask for more. Look out boys of LA because here comes JASON! I'll keep everyone updated with my progress (Hopefully I'll meet a cute boy at the gym during this time of self-progression - wish me luck!)

So my new haircut... I think everyone will be shocked. After months of growing out my hair (I think it has been at least five months, maybe six), I decided to shave it all off. You'd swear I entered the armed forces with this cut. It looks fabulous. I've gotten several compliments on it already today and hopefully I'll get many more. Just in time for my new drivers license photo (not by chance either). I figure that I have to deal with this driver’s license for the next eight years, so why not look absolutely fantastic in it? A new tan, a new haircut... and if everything works out okay a new outfit. I think just out of pure fun the DMV should have a website with really good-looking people's drivers license photos. They could make it in to a contest. And in all equal fun, they should also have a site for the WORST license photos. That would be rather comedic, wouldn't it?

I was thinking last night - normal people when they don't feel like doing something the excuse usually is, "I can't. I don't have any money" or "I'm broke. If I could afford it, you know I would totally be there". I was wondering, what do people like Paris Hilton say - especially when you know they are worth $300 million dollars? They honestly have NO excuse - at least a reasonable one. They can't even say, " I really wish I could, but you are in LA and I am in New York. Damn shame, otherwise I would". Why can't they say that you ask, because I heard recently that Paris went on a party spree and traveled from LA to New York on a private jet to go this party, only to get right back on the plane to travel to Chicago for another party, and then flew back to LA to go to another party. For real, girl!! People like that also can't say, "I don't have anything to wear". Using Paris as the example once again - that girl has more clothes than Somerset Collection does. I suppose the only excuse she can have is "I don't feel like it". Whoever said being a bitch doesn't work was definitely wrong.

I also heard yesterday that Bill Gates is worth an estimated $46 Billion dollars. HOLY SHIT! I can't even fathom being that wealthy. I honestly am happy with myself if I have a couple hundred in the bank after I pay the bills. Obviously I am doing something wrong because if people like Bill Gates can come up with an idea and become rich and be that DAMN FUGLY, than someone as wonderfully attractive and sexy such as myself should have no problem.

Well folks... the big 25 is only days away now. I couldn't be more excited. I only hope my birthday present to myself this year is a hot young (okay young meaning 26-29) year old about 6'3", 175 pounds of lean, grade A man - eye and hair color whatever. Of course this individual will have the undying desire to please me in anyway possible. Not only that but he will go to any length possible to ensure my happiness. I probably should just get a dog - as I have discovered this man doesn't exist.

Speaking of men, is it weird that someone takes blue paint and puts graffiti all over their bedroom walls? Is that borderline mental or is that normal? I can see if the graffiti was cute and well designed, but this display of disorganization was awful. The only thing missing from the wall was my name, which I immediately expressed my dissatisfaction. I understand why, but whatever. I just hate being the "other woman" (well not always, sometimes it is fun). What I really HATE is being one of a few other "women". I put myself in this situation, so I can't bitch too much.

For all of those interested in astrology:
The Sun In The Solar Return Chart
For: Jason W. Ensign
Birthplace: Louisville, Kentucky
Time: 08:59 am - December 31st 1978

Sun Aspects Saturn

Sun-Saturn aspects in the solar return chart tend to imply a sense of structure. Whether this structure becomes supportive or restrictive is up to the individual's ability to handle Saturnian issues in a positive manner. This is not meant to be a depressing time, but it does entail stark realism. Accurate perceptions of existing situations are essential to either accepting or changing future expectations. The refusal to accept responsibility for one's own life situation or to work within obvious limitations can lead to frustration, isolation, and loneliness. Limitations are not an essential characteristic of Saturnian aspects, but denote a need to be more realistic and patient. Changes are slow and involve careful planning, hard work, and discipline. Many times a major project is being worked on for most of the year.

Sun Aspects Mars

Mars symbolizes the energy necessary for successful accomplishments. When Mars aspects the Sun, it is a good time to work on a project that requires a great deal of energy to complete. Success can come in the form of personal or professional achievement, or with defense. Relationships tend to be competitive, and you need to balance self-centered drives with the needs of others. Learning to deal with aggression, conflict, and anger in an effective rather than detrimental way can enable the individual to handle negative situations positively. Less spiritual themes involve destructive or self-destructive urges. Prolonged anger creates blockages which waste energy in a cycle of negative emotions that have no real purpose or goal. It is better to direct efforts into positive endeavors.

Mercury In The Solar Return Chart

Mercury Aspects Uranus

Uranus-Mercury aspects suggest that you are open to new ideas which may take the form of new information you are learning or new concepts you are developing yourself. These aspects can show great creativity since they imply that the individual is able to approach problems from many different angles and is not locked into one structured way of thinking. Use this time to be innovative and original. Brainstorm with others. But, because your mind is somewhat unstructured, your ability to think clearly may be interrupted by erratic impulses and an inability to concentrate over any length of time. New information may be more exciting than reorganizing what you already know. If you must work on a major project that requires sustained mental energy, take frequent breaks.

HUMMM... Is that me? More odes to Jason to come tomorrow - the day before my 25th Birthday.

Toodles - J







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What is it with men and me? I don't get it. I can tell that I am entering very treacherous territory and while I know this in advance, I still make the mistake of allowing myself to get closer to someone, I know is not available. The problem is that we mesh together so well. I just look into his eyes and I know for the first time in a long time that someone really has deep feelings for me. Of course, I could be wrong but even if I am right, what am I to do about his live-in roommate/boyfriend. I've never been able to figure out exactly why the two of them are together. At this point, I assume it is because they own a home together. Why else would two people that don't like one another be together - well atleast one person doesn't like the other (aka Ryan doesn't like Ben). I can't help but think in the back of my mind that maybe this is all just a facade and the two of them really do like one another and possibly I am just the side action. As I said, whatever the case may be I am drawn into the web. I'm the mosquito following the mesmerizing light that will develop in to an inevitable death.

The thing that bothers me the most is that it is not that I just met Ryan and am pursuing him because I know he is unavailable. I've known him for two years and have only recently developed my crush. At first it was a "wham, bam, thank you - fucking hot stud" kind of thing. It is now turning in to much more - at least I think so. I long to be held by Ryan. I love the way he touches me, the way he looks at me with that goofy face of his - like a confused puppy dog. I find myself thinking about our next encounter. I love the way he says "Jay" when I am doing naughty things to him. Why me... couldn't I find someone single and readily available?

Naturally, last night I was drawn to that light again. I was over partying with "Larry" at this mansion he is sitting downtown. HUGE place. It just amazes me that such beautiful homes are mixed in amongst the outlying ghetto-fabulousness of North Detroit. Less than one mile south of Palmer Woods, is an 24 hour video (remember that night JRO?), streets lined with Hookers and Homeless people, and the beauty of a city long lost. I had been trying to get in touch with Ryan all day - which I am allowed to do only because we have known one another so long. Plus I know it makes him feel warm fuzzies when he knows I am thinking about him - even when the beeea doesn't answer. At one point I even left a message saying "Ryan, is my name Ben? Yep, you are correct. It isn't, so quit ignoring me." That message was effective. He called me back. LOL

Ryan called right in the middle of watching this fabulous movie that Dan Renzi recommended on his site - "The Rules of Attraction". It was awesome. I really enjoy Independent films only because they are much more creative in most ways than your traditional Hollywood super production. This one starred James Vanderbeek (aka Dawson) and this HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT supporting actor. I'd do him twenty times over without taking a break to even think about whether I should do it or not. "Larry" and I both were foaming at the mouth over the mella-hottie. I agreed to meet Ryan at his condo, even though normally I wouldn't be caught dead within a mile of there, for fear the Ben would crucify me. I think it had a lot to do with the big ole bottle of Riesling that I drank.

**SIDE NOTE** Stupid Jason. After several glasses of wine, I decided to open the second bottle to start what would eventually be the end of the wine's shelf life. IN the dark, I was fumbling with the bottle opener, only to realize after about five minutes that it didn't have a corkscrew, it had a screw on top. WTF. What I don't understand is why the smaller bottle has a cork and the larger bottle does not. I felt like an asshole for being stupid - but I must admit it was funny when "Larry" and I went into the kitchen after the film and saw the mangled cap on the counter.

My trip over to Warren was a very short one. After the wine had slowly seeped into my bloodstream, the world began to move a little bit quicker. I must have been very excited to see Ryan because I drove 90 all the way over there - and then physically attacked him when he opened the door. I hadn't been to his condo in a very long time. It was filthy. I was appalled at the condition of his bathroom and his kitchen... well actually at the entire place. How two gay men can be so dirty is beyond me. Ryan has always joked with me that the only reason we wouldn't work out is because I am a clean freak and he is a slob. I mean for real folks - they don't even have a glass in their kitchen. I had to drink water out of a double shot glass. After our encounter - which TMI was awesome as always - we cuddled on the couch a bit and he showed me old home movies that he made when he lived on the airforce base in Cali. I also had the privilege of seeing a ton of photos too. It was nice. I'm finally getting to know him after two years.

Just when I was about to depart he asked me to stay. We laid there and I began to massage his neck. Whatever I did "hit a nerve" because he was in complete ecstasy. It eventually led to a full body massage in the bedroom and another round of "encounters". I know he really wanted me to stay - but my fear of the "queen bitch" coming home forced me to escape the "bright, shiny light".

Today I want to kill myself - I feel like shit. I shouldn't have stayed till 5:30a. Ohh well. You only like once and I am bound and determined to live it well.

Cheers to all. FOUR DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

J






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WOW! Another Christmas over. It saddens me to think that I have less than 75 more of these to come (that is assuming that I only live to be 100. Hopefully with the advancement of plastic surgery, botox and Mira Linder facial moisturizer, I'll look 40 at 100.) This was by far the best Christmas ever.

First things first - I didn't get the XLR (featured in the previous blog - maybe for my birthday... 5 DAYS TO GO!!!) I did however get several large "packages". So large in fact that they weren't wrapped (unsafe Christmas pleasures... Before you Bang, Wrap that Thang!). I got a Guess leather jacket (that I picked out of course), a cashmere scarf, leather driving gloves, a Frank Lloyd Wright picture frame, a four piece set of Polo Sport Luggage (so large in fact that I could roll up in a ball and sleep inside of it... this will help for those three day weekend trips where I can't decide what to bring), a handmade floor length wool scarf, a home theatre surround sound system (will go absolutely fabulous with my new apartment - three weeks till move in) and some miscellaneous checks and things. It was wonderful. I'm a VERY happy camper (sexually deprived, but happy).

Details, details, details...

In an absolute frenzy, I packed like a bat out of hell on Monday night. I was absolutely determined to leave exactly at 9:30pm when I got out of work. When I have a mission - I rarely fail. As you guessed, exactly at 9:30 I was out the door. FCUK OnStar - a new fragrance by General Motors. Anyway - to start my travel, within five minutes I was cut off by some jackass in a Purple "Tore Ass", who decided that even though I can ripping up from behind that he was going to cut me off and gun it. HA - that GT Turbo Power in Jinx will outperform your weenie ass Ford. Get over it, and get out of my way. PUNK. Of course, bad drivers who do stupid things always want to blame the other driver. He pulled up next to me and started screaming profanities out of this window and flicked me off several times. I just politely waved and smiled - I also giggled slightly when he almost rear-ended the car in front of him because he was too busy trying to fight a losing battle with my smile. Then the second bitch about one minute later also sideswiped me switching lanes. Yet another moron who thinks that by putting it to the wood makes a difference. Get your "Table of the Elements", distant relative of the Pinto mobile, the fuck out of my way. At this point, I was feeling a bit stressed out. Thankfully the remainder of the drive into Michigan City, IN was uneventful.

Of course, I was showered with attention as soon as I walked into the door. My grandparents are so wonderful. They always have a smile and a hug for me. I LOVE IT! Being with my family (my dad's side) is awesome. We just laugh and enjoy one another - something more families need to learn how to do. We stayed up pretty late watching some movie and catching up.

Tuesday morning, I had the pleasure of delivering "Meals on Wheels" with Gramsy and Gramps. It was nice. All the old people are fun to visit with. At one point, we were visiting with a younger lady who is handicapped who commented that I was very handsome. She then looked at my sister and said "Ohhh my, what a cute wife you have". Ohhh lord... My grandmother quickly corrected her and the lady immediately apologized. She felt bad for insinuating that Larisa and I were incestual. Old people. LOL. Speaking of older, senior citizens... my grandfather's driving SUCKS! Over Thanksgiving he ran two stop signs driving with my dad. My stepmother was terrified that he was going to kill us. Thankfully we only had a bit of whiplash from his rather "quick" braking.

My Aunt Lisa showed up Tuesday afternoon with her husband Scott and his son Robert. What a bunch. Having an eight-year-old traipsing about the wings of the house is quite a sight. We were all happy to see a calm child. Ironically, the most obnoxious child of all was Greyse our cat. She was acting like a little hissing bitch the entire time. She wouldn't let anyone hold her, pet her or get within two feet of her. Strange behavior for a cat that under normal circumstances will not leave you alone. I think she has a phobia of traveling to "strange lands" and unfamiliar territory.

The talk of Tuesday was my Christmas "gifting" skills. Due to an economic downfall for me this year, it was necessary to have a significantly low budget holiday. Because I am so absolutely thoughtful, I figured I would try and find some meaningful items at low cost. I also made my own gift labels, which ended up being a HUGE hit. It took me hours of time and energy, but it was worth it in the end. It went over so well, everyone saved their labels to bring home with them. Cool. Very very very cool!

My family is really big into puzzles. I've never figured out why - but we love them. Every holiday you can guarantee that down in the basement my grandmother has put out a puzzle. Many times we do the same puzzles over and over again. This year we decided on doing the "pussy" puzzle. The thing was loaded with cats, cats and more cats. I swore that if I had to see another piece of a calico cat that I was going to scream. Within an hour or two we had the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle completed. It is quite interesting to identify and analyze a persons puzzle behavior in direct correlation to their personality type. For instance:

My Dad - Paul: Paul is an engineer. He likes to hold the puzzle box and find where the piece is on the box. He will then pile all the related pieces together. He rarely connects any pieces together, but rather "ANAL"yzes the design. He quite frequently will also critique the shape of the pieces and how he would re-design them for better puzzle time management.

My Sister - Larisa: She is an engineering student. She likes to place all of the pieces in front of her that my dad has piled together and work one section at a time. Many times the pieces get lost when her boobs knock them off of the table. She obviously has not realized the power of management. Upper Level management (i.e. Paul) organizes the tasks and she (the struggling professional) can do all the work... meanwhile management takes all the credit (well, had I not put all the pieces in their proper sections, you would have NEVER put them together).

My Aunt - Lisa: She is a scam artist, ;-). She likes to fill in the missing pieces. After the individual sections are all together, she likes to find the missing pieces and fill them in - taking credit for the "work of art". After all, if it weren't for that one missing piece she added, how ever could the section officially be complete? She is however quite speedy at finding the pieces - just like the scam artist is at tricking you - or the thief is at stealing your wallet.

My Grandma - Luella: She just looks pretty. Not much help, but great at keeping the conversation going. She's good at getting refreshments too.

Me: There is no method to my puzzle madness. I just like the pretty pieces. ;-)

Tuesday night after a tasty meal, the fam sat down to watch installment number two in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. My father the DVD freak purchased the extended version DVD and everyone (well aside from Scott and my stepmother) were excited to watch it. I was the only one in the gaggle that had not seen it yet. Considering our plan on Christmas morning was to see the third film at the theatre, it was important for me to see the second film. I must admit that it was better than the first one, however much of the movie is beyond my scope of thinking. I've never really been into science fiction, but for family purposes I did my best to try and understand. It took me awhile but I finally got all of the characters in order, but at time I just didn't get it. Kind of like how some people just don't get the difference between Manolo Blahniks and Chinese Laundry. Ohhh my. I'll stick to what I know.

Of course Wednesday was the "magic" day. Probably my favorite day of the year. I come from a very traditional family, so we always have turkey on Christmas Eve and the Emgee Ham on Christmas Day. Smelling the turkey cooking all day is heavenly. My grandma decided that she wanted my sister and I to conduct our Christmas Eve service versus packing everyone up and going to church. I was fine by this change, as was everyone else only because church bores us. After hours and hours of putting it off - Larisa and I sat down to plan what would end up being an extremely memorable Christmas.

Since I come from an extremely talented family (and we aren't scared to admit it either), it wasn't hard to recruit peeps to participate in the Christmas Show. My grandmother was the pianist, my cousin Jenna sang solo's, Uncle Brian read "Twas the Night before Christmas", my stepmom read a poem "Naughty or Nice", and my dad led the family in each one of us describing our favorite Christmas memories. It was very touching. At one point when my 10 year old cousin Timmy was describing his favorite Christmas memory (Last year when my mom and dad got along for the first time - **SIDE NOTE, they recently got divorced about three years ago**). Every single one of us was in tears. It was very emotional and absolutely wonderful. We connected more as a family that night than we ever did going to church. That's is what Christmas is all about!

Earlier in the evening before the Christmas show we played Guesstures. It is an annual tradition that we play this silly game. We have several favorite memories of events that broke down during this game that we will NEVER forget. My dad smacking his ass and playing with his fingers was definitely a good one - he looked at us like we were stupid because we couldn't get "castanets". What a dumbass. LOL. The best part about the whole game this year was that my Cousin Jenna got the Castanets card and her team didn't get the answer. She imitated my dad perfectly and they still didn't get it. It was great. We were in tears we were laughing so hard. Yet another example of what Christmas is all about.

After all the games and the Christmas show - we opened presents. I got to play Santa and pass out the gifts (something I do every year). I feel I am really good at this task, only because I know how to be fair - that and I know where to pass out my gifts to make the biggest impact. LOL. As usual my stepmom got diamonds, my sister got money and my dad got hi-tech electronic devices (this year an i-pod and a new titanium palm pilot). Super cute!

What would Christmas be without a little alcoholic indulges? My dad brought several bottles of champagne from our stocked bar at home - so we were set. We need to work a bit on his serving skills, but aside from that a little drink never hurt anyone. I try not to drink too much in front of the fam, only because somehow deep down my grandma will think that I am an alcoholic - you know how that goes. Thankfully my 19-year-old sister drinks WAY more than I do... Kudos to the fake ID - we love you Sarah (who ever you are). After many glasses and a few cocktails - God Rest THIS Merry Gentleman. My sister and I decided it best to alleviate our uncomfortable sleeping situations by bunking together. This worked out well. We ended up staying up for several hours chatting about boys, life and the pursuit of happiness. Christmas is a wonderful thing. It bonds us all together. I made the comment to Larisa that this was the first Christmas I can ever remember where everyone seemed happy. There was no bitching, no "nasty" talk about ex wives or other family members, NOTHING! It was an amazing feeling. Boy, were we in store for World War III on Christmas day though.

Christmas morning, as tradition calls, we went to the movies. My dad was in a super fabulous mood extending courtesies to all - hell he even let my Aunt Lisa drive his Hummer - **SIDE NOTE: This SUV is awesome. I highly recommend at the bare minimum a test drive!!!**. The Lord of the Rings - "The Return of the King" was quite a long movie. I honestly (and I am sad to admit this) enjoyed the film. It was very well done. As I previously mentioned, I didn't understand much of the plot, although I'm beginning to develop a better understanding. My sister and I reeked havoc on this tub of buttered popcorn, which is interesting because we only wanted a small one and both of us were not that hungry. For seventy cents more we got the GINORMOUS tub, overflowing with buttery delight! It was heaven - especially since Paul paid for it!

After the movie the family reconvened back at the "ranch". My Aunt Lisa started to show us DVD's that she had produced for her wedding videography company. Cool stuff. It eventually led in to a conversation that I should start doing wedding planning. Being that I have the corporate event planning background, I could utilize those skills to create more personable, private, and extremely memorable weddings. I am definitely going to do a bit of research into this and see what I can start doing. It seems really scary to voyeur into my own business venture, however, I discovered with EDS that I HATE the corporate world. During our viewing of the DVD's my Uncle Brian showed up for dinner.

My sister and I got really bored watching DVD's and choir concerts starring cousin Jenna, so we decided to take a nap. Actually I decided to take a nap and she ended up joining me when she eventually became bored. Naturally our beauty rest was interrupted when some of our peeps decided it was important for us to help with dinner. Larisa was pissed that she was once again forced into peeling potatoes. Luckily, I snuck away with the "boys" and avoided all dinner conflicts. I figure polishing silverware, dusting off the crystal and organizing the place settings the day before was enough for me. I'm a perfectionist - GO CAPRICORNS!!! - So everything must be perfect when I do it. Apparently, as legend has it, I go a slight bit overboard with the dishes. I suppose it is because I like options. Salad plates, bread plates, dinner plates, several forks and spoons, butter knives, dinner knives, water glasses, wine glasses... you get the picture. Why have china if you can't enjoy it? This is why when we decided to have a low-key dinner without all the jazz I decided to stay out of the picture.

Dinner - was an absolute disaster. The food was excellent and for about the first thirty minutes the conversation was flowing well. Then the inevitable happened - someone mentioned the words divorce, child support and ex wives being bitches. All hell broke loose at this point. My uncle got all frustrated, and my dad and Aunt Lisa started arguing with him about divorce decrees, the law and what he SHOULD be doing to his ex to get back at the beea. Unfortunately I was seated directly next to my uncle, so I got quite an earful of the drama. My grandma was at one end of the table with her eyes closed, covering her ears, while the rest of us sat their in awe that we were a part of the Ensign Family Drama - version 2003. It escalated to a point of no return when my uncle threw down his silverware and left the table. Had it stopped there, it is possible that Christmas day would not have been ruined.

In good sibling traditions, my aunt just could not let it go. She was in the kitchen bitching about the argument and how childish my uncle is. Of course, all of this was said at normal speaking tone, so naturally my uncle could hear every word she said. Well about half an hour later (while I was in the restroom) I heard some screaming, a bit of crying and a door slam. My uncle obviously had had enough and left in a frenzy. Honestly, who wouldn't have? My sister and I have arguments/ disagreements and sometimes they get pretty wicked, but under normal circumstances after a bit of yelling and some nasty name-calling, it is over. This fight was not.

My aunt started bossing around her husband telling him that they were leaving "NOW" and if he didn't leave with her, he'd have to find a ride home - to Maryland. She was obviously PISSED OFF. I didn't have much sympathy really because much of the drama was in relation to comments that she was making. I love my aunt dearly, but this time she went a bit too far. We all make mistakes, so whatever. I LOVE YOU AUNT LISA! ;-)

Of course all of this drama happened right when I was about to leave to travel back to Detroit. Figures. My stepmom insisted that I stay until things had settled down mainly because my grandmother was extremely upset about the whole situation. I've NEVER seen Gramsy cry - that was weird. I ended up staying until about 11p Central Time. The drive home went by very quickly. It was so nice to get back to Detroit - to my bed. That and some peace and quiet.

Now that Christmas is over - it is time to concentrate on my birthday!

Toodles -
J





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A New Car!!!

Ladies and Gentleman - welcome to the next generation of Cadillac. The 2004 Cadillac XLR (which also happens to be the 6th Generation Corvette as well). This car is "FUCKING" amazing. I can guarantee that if you buy me one of these - I'll be your BEST friend FOREVER!! Speaking of "best", "fucking" and "forever"... I can imagine that the "best" "fucking" you'll "ever" get from me would be if I got one of these for Christmas!!

Caio - MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (in 10 days...)!!!!

J




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One thing I don't understand about people - why is it that people can discuss so freely among themselves things that they don't understand, without even knowing whether or not the person sitting right next to them is the person they are speaking about?

Let me explain... if someone at work does something and you think it was unnecessary or stupid and you begin to discuss this out loud with your surrounding co-workers - wouldn't it be wise to make sure that the person you are "making" fun of is not sitting directly next to you? I THINK SO. Especially since I am college educated and RARELY make mistakes! I've had this situation occur twice in the past few months. Normally it is people who don't know their head from a hole in the ground - or is that head from a whole in their ass (I prefer the latter - even better if it was a head... NO NO NO - Forget It - I don't want a head up my ass... just a tongue....LOL)

Alrightie Then... So I just received notification from our scheduling department that I am scheduled to work from 4pm-1am on December 25, 2003. SCREW YOU! It will be so fun to call in sick. I've tried every possible route known to man to try and get that day off (especially since I will be out of the state) but the OnStar nazi's have decided it is important to have 12 people working 4pm-1am and I just got randomly selected as one of them. Well, SCREW YOU!

Yesterday on my day off - I decided to do a bit of shopping - the thrift store kind. It was excellent. I found a Cashmere Club Monaco sweater for $3.99, a brand new (extremely cute) Express Men's shirt for $3.99 (which I washed and am wearing currently) and a super cute short sleeve "bar shirt" for $2.99. Such a small investment for some really cute clothes. Everything else was smelly and rotten... but what the hell. I'm PO and I need some new duds. A few weeks ago I also found a really, really nice pair of Banana Republic dress slacks (see previous journal entry from weeks ago).

I had a big fallout with my HOT HOT HOT eye doctor's receptionist today (the eye doctor is the HOT one, not the receptionist - she's a fucking ghetto beeea) - did I mention how HOT Dr. Goldstein is? She was being such a bitch. She tried to tell me that because I didn't notify her in advance that I wanted my appointment billed to my vision insurance versus my medical insurance that she was going to keep the $10 that they over charged me. HELLO - Vision Insurance is for Eye Doctors and the like... what the hell else would I use it for. Not to mention they dilated my eyes so bad, that I lost all near-sightedness for several hours. How the hell was I supposed to read the sign on the desk. BULLSHIT she is keeping my ten bucks... I'll sick my dad on her. We've made quite a bit of referrals to Dr. Goldstein for LASIK surgery... which bare minimum is $3,000 grand. Don't shaft me bitch on my ten bucks, or you can bet your ass there won't be any more referrals. Damn Crook. It wouldn't surprise me if the ghetto superstar whore kept my overpayment. You know what else? If you work as a receptionist and you are a bitch because you have to answer the phone - find a new career.

Love you all. I've been here an extra 11 minutes and I need to get the hell out!

Toodles, J.





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I hate OnStar. I'm beginning to hate a lot of things - including this BLOG. For whatever reason my recent posts are not showing up. I don't know what I am doing wrong - and frankly I don't care either. It is Christmas - I should be HAPPY, right? I'm explosive right now. EDS is the absolute WORST company to work for in the world. If I had the balls and the resources I would tear this company down. What company lists vacation time as a benefit and then will not even let you take it when you please? There has to be a law against this. I am so pissed at this point, that I am ready to talk to a lawyer friend of mine and sue the living balls out of this company.

On a more pleasant note, I've been reading famous author Rob Byrnes blog and it is excellent. I wish so badly that I lived in New York City - had a fabulous job - and became one of New York's most eligible bachelors. I know I could succeed in the bustling Manhattan environment. I have total faith. I've never failed at anything - except OnStar (and even then, I have excelled here since day one. My only failure is that this job SUCKS. As a matter of fact, I would rather have a calf suck my cock than work in this place another day).

Can you tell I am in a bitchy mood?

I got my parents Christmas card today. Yet another year of having only a friggin sentence. At that, it wasn't even a good sentence. My dad could have atleast glorified my job and my life a little - just to make me seem better than everyone else's children. The way he wrote me up - I seem like a damn loser. I assume he figures that I should be writing my own Christmas letter now and that he isn't obligated to write about me anymore. Of course my sister got an entire paragraph... AGAIN. Beeea. I should have been an Engineering major and then maybe I would get a paragraph too. Those bitches better be getting everything on my Christmas list.

Since when did being resourceful equate to being a stalker? When I want something I try and not let it slip through my hands. Isn't that a normal human reaction? Who knows. For whatever reason, multiple people have addressed me as being a stalker. It doesn't really bother me - but what really is the definition of being a "Stalker".

let us ask - Webster....
Main Entry: 2stalk
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English bestealcian; akin to Old English stelan to steal -- more at STEAL
Date: 14th century
intransitive senses
1 : to pursue quarry or prey stealthily
2 : to walk stiffly or haughtily
transitive senses
1 : to pursue by stalking
2 : to go through (an area) in search of prey or quarry
- stalk·er noun

Thanks Webster. Now - I don't see how figuring out a media guru's email address and sending him a "you are cute, let's go out" email would fit in the stalker category. Now if he told me to go hell and I continued to email him, showed up at his hotel room in Baghdad, and sent him flowers on a daily basis - that would be classified as a stalker. Even my stepmom called me her "stalker son". OMG. Atleast I don't do random drive-by's to ex's (like some peeps I know), or create false email accounts to try and retrieve gossip about me... ohhh wait, I have done that. LOL

A few weeks ago I was at JD's with JRo and Man-da-licious and I met this HOT 19 year old piano player Drew, who I thought would be perfect.... for my sister. I gave him her phone number and email address, but he said it would be "weird" to just randomly call her. He stated that instead here was his address and to have her "stop by". WHAT THE HELL? Wouldn't it be weirder to have someone stop by your house, than to have someone call you or email you? I don't get it. Maybe I am just old fashioned or something. It kind of relates to how I don't understand why anyone would substitute shampoo for TIDE (my ghetto grandmother in Southern Indiana believes that TIDE works better than shampoo at getting oil out of 'yer hair (DUH, but it also strips it of any LIFE. No wonder everyone's hair in Evansville looks like shit. I'll stick to Aveda)). Anyway - so my little sister calls today to tell me that she went to Drew's house (who just happens to live next door to her current love interest). JRO and I were so excited that Larisa stopped by... so excited in fact that we are already plotting how we can get into Drew's house to party!!! ;-)

**OMG** Some people's level of unprofessionalism completely shocks me. Either I am absolute MAGIC on the phone - or some people are just WRETCHED! Actually come to think of it... it is a bit of both. I give good phone - what can I say. I'm TERRIBLE at phone sex... but I think with a bit of practice I could make a decent living in the phone porn business - especially if they knew in advance how well-endowed I am!!! LOL I should have been a porn star - too bad my scar ruined it for me.

I saw this commercial on TV last night about Adult ADD. I just took the test and I failed. It says that I should consult with my physician about getting a screening for ADD. I never really thought about it - but thinking back now, I've always had a hard time concentrating on things that I didn't have a lot of interest in. I've been half retarded all along and didn't even know it. LOL - I still managed to graduate college with a 3.0!!! Yippee! Just imagine what I could be capable of if I was not mentally challenged. I could be president!

On that note - 'night peeps! 15 Days til the first quarter of my life is officially over!!


J




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Posted by: "The Author" / 9:35 PM

I'm sooo smart. I have comments now!




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Sorry folks for the delay in updating. It is the holidays - I deserve a break, right?

So I am back to my old tricks again... here's today's interesting story.

I went home on my lunch break and turned on CNN. Mind you - I rarely watch CNN only because politics bores me to death. Because of the "Saddam" incident yesterday - I decided to catch up on recent updates just so I seem highly educated when people start discussing "the war". What to my wondering eyes should appear? A VERY HOT News anchor... YUMMM! I was so mesmerized by his hotness that I completely was not listening to what he was saying. I did however notice that he was a bit nervous - obviously a "newbie" to CNN news. The interesting/ "Jason" twist to the story, is that I went back to work and emailed him. How you ask.... Through my detective skills and process of elimination - I figured out how TIME email is set-up and I just filled in his name. Within minutes, he wrote back. AMAZING. I've know been chatting with a news anchor from New York. Cute huh? Naturally he is not single and happily "married"... BARF. Ohh well. It led to a good opening for my journal, right?

Speaking of being "married". I've been sleeping with someone who is taken. His boyfriend knows about me - despises me and probably would like to rid me of my existence on Earth. That's okay... because - HA - your BF would rather sleep with me than with you. OBVIOUSLY - you are doing something wrong. Eat shit BEN... YOU SUCK! That couple is the best example of why I will NEVER purchase a home with a boy. They are stuck together because both of them refuse to move out of the house... totally stupid. I've been sleeping with Ryan on and off for two years now. Does that say much for their relationship? Ohh well - the sex is good, so I don't care.

Tis the season for stupid people too. Work is driving me nuts. Thankfully the Christmas shopping is done - what little of it I was able to do. I don't make near enough money to buy gifts for other people. My latest decision involved.... Do I go grocery shopping and eat for the next two weeks, or do I buy gifts for my stepmother and my sister. That was a crappy decision. Of course I want to buy gifts for everyone - but a boy needs to eat - and "sausage" on a regular basis just won't feed my hunger (well, you know the kind I'm speaking of).

Thanksgiving was a COMPLETE disaster - as I am sure most of you are aware. My dissatisfaction with my mother’s lifestyle is unbelievable. I don't know how she does it and quite honestly I don't want to know. NEVER again will I have a "welfare holiday". I'll go out to eat with my sister at a "fancy Evansville" restaurant versus eating wealthy food and dealing with my trashy family. YUCK!

**SIDE NOTE** I am having so much fun chatting with this CNN news boy... I really should have been a reporter. I know more about Brian than god does - in just over five minutes. I did some research... LOL. The power of the Internet. Too bad he is not available - the boy went to Princeton and speaks Mandarin!!! I thought those were oranges. Below is the link to his resume

Brian Bennett Resume

Last night I went to a Christmas party with J Ro. It was fun - the food was decent - and there was one cute boy. Naturally, the one cute boy has one BIG fault. He is HIV +. Weird. I've never met anyone in a social setting that I was attracted to that is positive. I was a bit freaked out - because had someone not mentioned it, I would have NEVER guessed. This caused a lot of internal debate for me as to how I would react to that situation if it ever arose again. If I met someone and fell in love would the health risk be worth it? The frustrating thing is that it should be a clear cut - NO. Rationally, I would have to agree, but emotionally if placed in the situation, would my answer be the same? I don't know. Let us just hope, I don't EVER have to deal with that.

Question for all - WHAT is a "Fressier"? I have no idea. Apparently Gay men should know this answer - but I have no clue. I need some help. My Internet searching has proved to get me absolutely no where. I have to assume it is a French oriented word, but the spelling could possibly be incorrect. I don't know.

Anyhow - that's all for now. I'll do my best to update more frequently. I just couldn't resist today's highlight! A little over two weeks til my birthday. Let the countdown begin. 17 DAYS!

J





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